


Sing A Lullaby To Me

by PapersWords



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Firefighters, Character Death, Fluff, Future, Future attacks, Hockey involved, M/M, September 11 Attacks, Sexy Times, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-24
Updated: 2017-04-27
Packaged: 2018-06-10 12:55:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 35,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6957352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PapersWords/pseuds/PapersWords
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>FINALLY UPDATED! First time on this story since July, sorry, but now I'm determined to finish it up.</p><p> </p><p>Captain Jamie Benn is a NYC firefighter. He pulls Tyler Seguin and his dog Marshall out of Tyler’s burning apartment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place in 2019 in NYC.
> 
> Mentions of the September 11th attacks, and future attacks across the world in several cities. The time line would suggest these attacks happen in June 2016.
> 
> We're going to ignore the timeline of Tyler’s dog's because fiction.
> 
> Title and lyrics from Professor Green's "Lullaby" featuring Tori Kelly.

**Prologue**

 

 ****_It's been a while since I last dreamt- barely remember what it's like to dream- finding it hard to get to sleep, too stressed and there ain't anyone to sing a lullaby to me._ **  
**

 

 

Stepping into his apartment, he sighs loudly, feeling all of the pressure and intensity of the day rinse out of his muscles and veins.

He shakes out of his jacket with the smallest amount of energy possible, considering he feels there is no energy left in his entire being to do much more.

After stripping down to his underwear, leaving all of his clothes in a rumpled pile on top of his shoes by the door, he trudges to the kitchen and grabs a bottle of water, downing it in mere seconds before grabbing another and heading toward his bedroom.

He deposits the water bottle and his phone on the nightstand and goes into his bathroom.

Flicking the light on, he winces at his reflection in the mirror briefly before brushing his teeth.

He takes out his contacts and blinks a few times.

One last frown at the mirror and he exits the bathroom with a flip on the light switch.

He drops into his bed and gets a sheet half over him before he's asleep.

 

The next morning his alarm goes off, signaling him to wake up.

He looks up at his phone from where he's sitting on the edge of the bed with his head hung in exhaustion as his fingers tightly grip at each other.

Sighing, he stands and goes to pick it up, flicking the alarm off.

He goes through his morning routine on autopilot, showering and ignoring the scars on his body, staring vacantly at the dark eyes in the mirror like an abyss he's never seen before and never wants to again while brushing his teeth.

He looks as hollow as he feels.

His shrink used the term ‘haunted’.

He's sure that's probably fair.

But he puts himself together like always. Presentable. Hair slicked to the side and back, neatly shaved, takes his glasses off, puts contacts in, decently dressed in nice enough clothes.

 _Sounds like I'm in the 1950s,_ he thinks with a grim smirk.

He grabs his bag and keys, heading out the door.

In the elevator to the parking garage, he looks at his phone, opening a message from his mom.

_I love you, Jamie._

The same as every day.

And the same as every day, he sends back, _I know. I love you too._

He gets to the firehouse early, still dark outside, and prepares for the day quietly.

As his team starts to file in around him, he greets all of them like a good captain, asking how wives and kids are, smiling and joking with the guys.

Despite everything, he feels at home here with them.

A lot of people expected him to resign. Some close friends and family even urged him to when they saw the toll being here was taking on him after what happened.

But the truth is, he wasn't the only one who lost someone that day. A lot of people did. And even those who didn't felt the painful impact of the events.

Watched it on their tv screens around the world in shock and horror.

The September 11th attacks all over again.

Except on a much, much larger scale.

Three years in another 25 days.

He tries to wrap his mind around how it's been that long and he's been carrying on like this.

Three years without his brother, his best friend.

Three years of regretting his team getting separated. Of wishing he could have switched places with Jordie. Or been with him in there.

Although, all that would have changed is that his mother would have had to bury both of her sons.

Jenny cries every time he says he wished it could have been him instead.

 _Survivor's guilt_ , his brain supplies as he runs his fingers over the tattoo on his forearm.

He never says anything in front of Morrow, who had been in his second year when he watched helplessly from the street as the Twin Towers collapsed, after watching people jump from over 50 floors up, thinking they'd have a better chance of surviving the fall than the burning building they were trapped in.

Morrow who had worked through that day- and the days that followed- 18 years ago as a kid. Morrow, who had been made sergeant a year before the attacks 3 years ago. Morrow who looks at Jamie with sad eyes and guilt for what happened to Jordie. As if he could have prevented it.

Truth is, he feels like he should have. It's his job to be responsible for his men. And the team got separated on his watch. Jamie can understand that. He'd be the same way.

Jamie would never blame Morrow, though.

Morrow who is walking over to him.

He claps a hand on Jamie's shoulder.

“Hey kid.”

Jamie smirks.

“I'm 29, Brenden. I'm hardly a kid anymore. ”

Morrow chuckles.

“Yeah, I bet you don't feel it most days anymore, huh?”

Jamie smiles reluctantly, and says, “No. I feel 80 most days,” he thinks for a moment and, smiling, adds, “Can't imagine how you feel, old man.”

Morrow laughs heartily and socks Jamie's arm, saying, “Watch it, Benny. You're still my rookie, and I'll still kick your ass.”

Jamie smiles and ducks his head, not arguing.

“How's your family, J?” Morrow says, suddenly serious, voice dropping low.

Jamie chews his lip and says, “they're coping. Trying. Trying to remember that Jordie wouldn't have wanted us to mourn forever.”

Morrow nods and says, “And you?”

Jamie looks down.

“I'm doing my best.”

Morrow wraps an arm around Jamie and squeezes.

“If your best is ever not enough, you better come find me.”

Jamie nods.

“I know. I will.”


	2. One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His wide eyes, filled with panic, turn on Jamie, who leans down and says carefully, “Marshall is okay, my teammate got him, “ Tyler instantly looks so relieved and Jamie smiles, adding, “he helped me find you actually. Your dog was worried about you.”
> 
> Tyler smiles weakly at that and Jamie feels warmth rush through his chest at the sight.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Captain Jamie Benn is a NYC firefighter. He pulls Tyler Seguin and his dog Marshall out of Tyler’s burning apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so let's pretend I know anything about firefighting stuff or medical stuff? I watch terrible crime/hospital dramas? 
> 
> Anyway, that aside, my phone does this insane thing where I will type a word and it adds an entire phrase instead? I typed 'at' and it put 'attached the'... I have no idea what that is about, some of the stuff it adds are words I have never typed in my phone ever?
> 
> I think I caught all that, but if you see any weirdness of any kind, let me know!
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> This takes place in 2019 in NYC.
> 
> Mentions of the September 11th attacks, and future attacks across the world in several cities. The time line would suggest these attacks happen in June 2016.
> 
> We're going to ignore the timeline of Tyler’s dog's because fiction.
> 
> Title and lyrics from Professor Green's "Lullaby" featuring Tori Kelly.

**Chapter 1**

_Pretend shit doesn't get to me and I suffer in silence when I'm hurting._   
_A man's problems are his own and it's my burden._   
_Tossing and turning, trying to get to sleep, but I find it hard to switch off when mind's working._

 

 

 

The day is largely filled with busy work. Menial tasks and drills. Short fire safety instruction at an elementary school.

Not much.

That's a good day.

Everyone is bored, sure. But it beats running into someone's burning home or workplace to save scared people. Or worse- not being able to save everyone.

Scratch that, the bell's ringing.

“They're playing our song, fellas,” Fidds calls out as he jumps into action with everyone else.

He stops in front of Jamie and holds his hand up.

Jamie grabs his hand and they bump chests hard.

“To the dance floor we go.”

 

The flames are flicking out of the 3rd floor windows of an apartment building on Hall when they arrive, having been briefed and Jamie giving his preliminary instructions on the way.

The blaze is relatively contained, stairs are clear, 14 on 2, 12 on 3, and 15 on 4, with the first floor retail shops cleared already.

A woman grabs Jamie as soon as he steps toward the building, checking his equipment one more time.

“My dog, Max! He's on the 4th floor! Number 5!.”

He looks her in the eyes and nods, reassuring her that he will find the dog.

Rich moves the woman back and they head in, clearing the second floor and heading to the third.

Half the team works three while Jamie leads the rest up to four.

They do well the whole way, routine, communicating, following.

As soon as Jamie, Spezza, and Fidds take the door to 5, a dog jumps out, tail between his legs and Jamie scoops the small black dog up.

“Hey, Max,” he says, giving the dog oxygen and Fidds taps his shoulder, followed by Spezza, as they move to the stairs.

The team clears four, three, two, and one, then heads down, Hems carrying a small girl and Eaks helping her older brother.

Colton, Kari, and Sharpy meet them at the stairs on three, each carrying children, and Rous is right behind holding the hands of two women, one of whom is clutching a cat, and they all head out to the street.

Jamie sets the dog down, holding his collar and checking him over quickly as the woman rushes over, hugging the dog who climbs into her arms.

“Thank you so much!” she cries over and over at Jamie gripping his sleeve at the shoulder.

He takes his mask off and smiles at the woman, who smiles back through the tears streaming down her face.

What is your name, ma'am?”

“Dana.”

“I'm glad you and your dog are okay, Dana.”

“Thanks to you,” she says, grabbing at his sleeve again.

“Glad to be able to help.”

“Is everyone out safe?” she asks, peering over his shoulder.

“I have to check. Dana, do you know your neighbors? Do you see anyone missing?”

She looks around, frantically for a moment, mumbling people's names as she sees them.

“Levi is out of town…. Martin is at work still…. Elise…. She lives next door. I don't see her… Wait! There she is,” she points at a women Klinger is helping out the door.

Jamie is about to move when she gasps sharply.

“Tyler! New neighbor, he's new to the city, I think! Number 6! I heard him come home just an hour ago. I don't see him!”

Jamie nods and thanks her before standing and fixing his gear and mask.

The fire is getting thicker despite the ground attempts to put it out.

Spezza and Sharpy follow Jamie back up to 4.

“6, 7, and 8 still need to be cleared. Someone is potentially in 6,” Jamie tells them as they get closer to the top of the stairs.

They're joined by Hems, Val, and Eaks in no time.

Jamie, Val, and Sharpy take 6 as Spezza, Eaks, and Hems take 7.

They enter to a brown dog barking in a hallway, thick smoke filling the apartment.

Jamie goes to the dog, giving it oxygen, which is a struggle, since the dog continues to bark toward the hallway and whine loudly.

He checks the tag on the dog's collar and scratches his ears, cooing, “Hey, Marshall, where's your dad, huh?”

The dog whines and looks at Jamie, then back to the end of the hall.

“Marshall!” Jamie says excitedly, “Where's Tyler?!”

At that, the dog yips and barks wildly, bouncing on his legs while seeming to narrow the focus of his energy toward the door at the end of the hall.

Looking to Val, Jamie motions to the dog and Val takes over trying to care for the dog, managing to get a mask over his muzzle.

Jamie and Sharpy move down the hall to the door which is standing open.

Jamie enters to see the bedroom is empty, and also completely thick with smoke.

No wonder Marshall didn't want to come in here.

This room is right above where the fire is the worst.

Sharpy points to the left and Jamie spots a bare foot sticking out of the bathroom.

Moving toward the foot, he can see a young man lying on his side, in just basketball shorts, unconscious.

Jamie places his secondary mask over Tyler’s mouth and nose, strapping it around his head gently but quickly as something below them creaks.

Sharpy helps Jamie get Tyler upright, facing Jamie, who quickly ducks down to grab the unconscious man around the hips, letting him drape over his shoulder as he carries him out, Val already halfway to the door with Marshall, who is refusing to go without his master, and therefore giving Val a hard time.

Of course, when he sees Jamie carrying Tyler, Marshall is much more willing to go.

They finally make it out of the building as half of the team is on the stairs of three, firing water at the flames.

Jamie brings Tyler to where medical has set up and they help him lower the unconscious man onto the stretcher.

They begin rushing about the man, getting him hooked up to things and checking his vitals.

Jamie stays, staring at the man until he sputters awake, blinking slowly.

“Sir, can you hear me?” one of the medics asks carefully.

He nods and starts to try sitting upright.

“No, you need to lie still. We need to make sure you're okay. You're lungs desperately need oxygen. They're full of smoke and we need to fix that as fast as possible.

Tyler’s eyes suddenly go wide and Jamie moves toward him, placing a hand on his upper arm.

His wide eyes, filled with panic, turn on Jamie, who leans down and says carefully, “Marshall is okay, my teammate got him, “ Tyler instantly looks so relieved and Jamie smiles, adding, “he helped me find you actually. Your dog was worried about you.”

Tyler smiles weakly at that and Jamie feels warmth rush through his chest at the sight.

Val comes to Jamie's side with the chocolate lab and Jamie pats the side of the stretcher for Marshall, who puts his front paws up on the edge just enough to see Tyler there.

Marshall whines and Tyler smiles even wider, petting the dog's snout weakly.

Jamie absently thinks the dog's fur and his owner's eyes are the same color.

Val gets Marshall to come back to where the medical aide who has water for him is and Jamie watches Tyler watching him, still looking relieved to see his dog.

He doesn't even notice the medic asking if he has any allergies to any medicines.

“Tyler?” Jamie says softly, touching his arm again.

Tyler looks at Jamie, eyebrows giving away his confusion at Jamie knowing his name.

“Your neighbor, Dana. She realized you were still up there and told us.”

Tyler closes his eyes, smiling, and opens them again, conveying gratefulness with his warm smile and chocolate eyes.

“Tyler? Do you have any allergies May needs to know about?” Jamie asks, reading the medic’s badge for her name.

Tyler looks at her and shakes his head.

She smiles and nods, working around him again, putting a tube under his nose after lifting the mask.

Jamie helps carefully remove the mask and Sharpy materializes to take it off his Captain’s hands.

May puts a tube up to Tyler’s lips and says, “Tyler, this is water, you need to drink this.”

He nods and his eyes light up like he was waiting for this.

Tyler drinks for a long time before coughing.

Jamie grips the edge of the stretcher.

Tyler shakes it off and resumes, warm eyes not leaving Jamie the whole time.

All of the sudden, Jamie realizes how wrong this all has been.

What is he doing?

He didn't even fucking check in with his team, the fire isn't even out.

Why is he giving so much attention to this one civilian who is already safe and in the hands of medical?

He looks behind him to see the team has nearly put out the blaze, does does a head count and sees everyone.

Jamie breathes in relief, but he's so ashamed.

What if one of the guys was still inside and hurt and nobody knew because it was Jamie's responsibility to realize someone was missing, not anyone else's- they're supposed to focus on their tasks, he's supposed to have their backs- and he didn't because he was focusing on this guy with pretty eyes and a nice smile and a good body with tattoos and a cute dog and-

Jamie swallows hard and it feels like gravel in his throat.

Fingers gently curl around his wrist and he slowly turns back to Tyler, not exactly trusting himself.

Tyler is opening his mouth, trying to speak, but he still can't and falls into another coughing fit.

Jamie somehow finds his voice and leans to put a hand on Tyler’s shoulder, saying, “I’ll be right back, okay? I gotta check in with my team and do my job, Tyler.”

Tyler looks up at Jamie through his long eyelashes as May is putting another water tube in his mouth and nods.

Jamie weakly smiles and forces himself to turn away.

He walks to where Fidds and Sharpy are standing with a clipboard and Eaks is listening to Fidds speaking.

As Jamie gets near, Eaks nods and runs off toward the truck.

Sharpy sees Jamie and smiles smugly.

“Hi, Captain. So, is your patient okay?”

“I- he's alright. I don't know why I got so caught up. I'm so sorry you guys. It's completely against protocol and inappropriate and… I just can't believe I didn't-.... What?”

Fidds and Sharpy are both grinning creepily by this point and Jamie, if he were a weaker man, would turn and run.

“We're all good here, Cap. Look, we've got the fire out,” Fidds says, pointing at the building. “The boys are clearing the smoke by opening the windows, see? Kari and Spezza have the hooks?”

“And we have the clipboard, everyone is accounted for,” Sharpy says as Fidds waves the clipboard around. “You should really go back to see how Mr. Abs with the pretty smile is doing.”

Jamie feels his face flush and he wants to wipe that shit-eating grin off of Sharpy’s face.

“Guys... “ Jamie starts seriously, feeling even more guilty. “I can't bail on my duties like that for some cute guy.”

Fidds and Sharpy share a look and sigh.

“True. But neither of us are going to report this. It slides this once. We both know you've always put the job before any personal shit in the moment.”

Jamie nods at Fidds, but still looks down with guilt.

He holds his hand out and the clipboard is put in it.

The rest of the time is procedure. Business as usual and Jamie doesn't even think about looking back toward medical.

They're wrapping up and getting the gear back to the truck when May comes over to Jamie.

“You told him you'd be right back, you know,” she says, smiling.

“What?”

“That kid. Tyler.”

“Oh, right. Um, is he okay?”

“He is. He was looking a little sad you didn't come back and kept making sure he could see you. The ambulance is here and they're gonna take him to the hospital, but first, I think he would really like to thank you, now that he can actually speak.”

Jamie does want to hear his voice...

Spezza takes the clipboard from Jamie to do inventory as the gear is brought back and Sharpy helpfully and gently pushes Jamie by his lower back towards where Tyler is sitting on the stretcher, back propped up, looking down at the dog on his lap.

Jamie gets about two feet away when Tyler looks up and smiles wide, too many teeth and it feels like sunshine washing over Jamie.

He stops next to Tyler, offering a small smile back, and says, “Hey, feeling better?”

“Very much so, yeah. Thank you for saving me and my pup. Mostly him, honestly,” Tyler smiles, but Jamie can tell he's only half-joking.

Tyler loves that dog so much, Jamie can tell.

“I want to say you're welcome, but, uh… it is my job.”

Tyler frowns a little before smiling again, and says, “Regardless…. Thank you. And um…. I never got your name? May said you're a captain and she thinks it starts with a ‘J’ but she wasn't sure.”

“Well she isn't wrong. It's Jamie. Benn.”

Jamie holds his hand out and Tyler takes it, shaking.

“Tyler Seguin. Very nice to meet you, Jamie,” he says softly, smiling that huge smile again and Jamie feels dizzy. His name sounds so good.

“It probably would be better if we had met under different circumstances,” Jamie laughs, “but nice to meet you too, Tyler. I'm glad you're okay.”

Tyler starts to say something but the EMT comes over and tells him they're going to load him into the ambulance.

“Unfortunately, we can't take the dog…”

Tyler looks pale and frantically says, “What am I supposed to do? I can just put him back inside. It was just on fire. I don't have relatives here. I just moved here so I don't really know anyone yet… I-I-”

Tyler looks like he's going to panic.

“I'll watch him.”

Jamie says it like it's no big deal- mostly because it isnt- but Tyler… He looks at Jamie like he's saved his life all over again.

“He probably would love it at the firehouse, all these guys love dogs. He's gonna get spoiled. And a few of the guys have dogs so they know when to walk him and all that. I can just take him home with me at night so he isn't alone. I don't mind. I like dogs. Plus, its probably only for a few days.”

“Thank you so much! He's really easy to take care of, he's a good boy, too! So he behaves really well and- and- Thank you, Jamie!”

Before Jamie can react to the hand on his bicep, he's yanked forward into a hug.

Tyler’s arms wrap around his shoulders tight and Jamie has lost the ability to even guess what reason he might have to pull away.

Tyler finally lets go and pets Marshall, cooing to him, “Hey, baby, you're gonna go with the nice fireman who saved daddy for a bit, okay? And you gotta be so good. Be such a good boy for me. Jamie is gonna take care of you buddy.”

Marshall looks at Jamie with uncertainty, like he understands and is questioning Jamie's ability.

“That's right, Marshy. Jamie. He's gonna take good care of you while I'm away.”

Jamie leans over and pets Marshall a bit and lets him sniff and lick his hand.

“See? He's good. Okay, bye, Marshy. I gotta go but daddy will see you soon,” Tyler wraps Marshall in a hug and the dog's paws are on his shoulders, like he's hugging back.

It's too fucking cute, honestly. Like, how is Jamie expected to deal with that?

Tyler moves Marshall toward Jamie, who takes his collar.

“Want to come with me, bud?”

Marshall licks Jamie's face, getting a laugh from him.

“Warmed up to me quick, eh?”

Tyler is smiling wide at Jamie when he looks up.

“Canadian?”

Jamie nods, saying, “BC.”

Tyler grins and says, “Ontario,” and points at himself.

Jamie pretends his heartbeat doesn't stutter at that.

“Nice. I'll find out where they're taking you, okay, Tyler?”

Tyler nods and smiles softly.

“Thank you, again, Jamie,” Tyler says, hand on Jamie's forearm.

“You're welcome,” he says shyly.

They load Tyler up into the ambulance and Jamie goes to the driver.

“Which hospital is he going to?”

He gets all the information and Jamie takes Marshall to the truck, getting him settled in with some water.

Spezza and Sharpy come over to him as he shuts the door.

“Good excuse to see him again, huh?” Sharpy grins.

Jamie blushes and says, “He doesn't have anyone to watch his dog, what could I do?”

Spezza grins and shakes his head.

Three hours later, Jamie is loading Marshall into his truck with his new food and water dishes, leash, dog bed, poop bags, and a few toys.

The next morning, Jamie is woken up to a tongue on his face and to say it's unusual is an understatement.

He walks him in the garden of his building, picking the poop up in the baggy and is pretty thankful that there is a trashcan right there.

Jamie has never had a dog before, but he feels like Sharpy told him a full novel of how to take care of Marshall and is pretty confident.

It helps that Marshall seems to like him and is as well behaved as Tyler promised.

Jamie figures taking him with him to the firehouse is a better idea than leaving him at the apartment.

The guys play fetch with him in the garage for a while before drills and after as well, so Jamie decides to go check on Tyler.

He arrives at the hospital, asking a nurse he vaguely recognizes about Tyler, getting the floor and room number quickly.

He heads up, and gets to the room, hearing Tyler’s voice as he nears the door, stopping when he hears Tyler say his name.

“-Captain. Yeah. And he promised to take care of Marsh! How awesome is that?”

He hears a woman laugh, sounding like she's on the phone's speaker, and say, “He sounds like a sweetheart.”

“He seems like it. And mom, he's Canadian! And he's got such a nice smile….” his voice sounds… gushy?

Jamie's stomach swoops a bit.

“Ty, just be careful, sweetie. There's a psychological pull toward someone who saves you and it can be really unhealthy. You may want to consider that getting attached will lead to you always feeling like you owe this guy for rescuing you and Marshall. If you continue to interact with him, be sure you remember that it was his job to do that.”

Tyler sighs heavily.

“Mom… I know. I promise I will be mindful.”

“Good. I worry, baby.”

“I know.”

“I'm glad you're safe. I will be there tomorrow evening, okay?”

“Okay, mom. I love you.”

“I love you, too, baby.”

Jamie swallows hard as Tyler hangs up and he takes a few breaths before casually striding into Tyler’s room.

“Hey,” he says, smiling and Tyler’s head snaps up, smile spreading across his face quickly.

“Hi!”

He looks, a little embarrassed… like he thinks Jamie may have heard him, but Jamie is ready to pretend he wasn't eavesdropping.

“How are you?”

Tyler shrugs and quietly says, “I mean, I honestly feel fine but they say I'm gonna be here for at least a few days.”

He looks up at Jamie through his eyelashes and mumbles, “You don't have to watch Marshall that long. My mom is gonna be here tomorrow and she can ask the hotel if it's okay.”

“I don't mind, Tyler. Really. Your mom probably has enough to worry about, right now. Her son is in a hospital in another country after being pulled unconscious from his burning apartment,” Jamie smirks.

Tyler bites his lip and Jamie wants to wrap him up in in a tight hug.

“I wonder what my place is like. Do you think I will have to rebuild basically? Like… was it all destroyed? I've been trying to remember what all happened. I just remember thinking the fog in the bathroom was awfully thick. Like, normally my showers are pretty hot after practice, but the fan usually helps more than that… then I got out, went to my room and heard Marshall whining… I couldn't figure out why he was so upset. Then I noticed my bathroom… the fog was even thicker. Floating into my bedroom. It was weird so I went to the bathroom and turned the fan back on. That's it. That's all I can really remember.”

Jamie nods and quietly watches Tyler talk.

“So I don't know what state it's in. If everything is gone or….” Tyler trails off and shrugs.

“It was right under your bathroom. The start of the fire. But that apartment was still intact, some things were ruined. But it was fairly contained. The smoke damage probably will be the worst. Walls, bedding, clothes. Need to be washed really well. As far as I could tell, your place was just full of smoke. No flames.”

Tyler looks young watching Jamie talk- eyes big and intent, listening, lips parted slightly, fingers curled into the sheet. Scared, but hopeful.

Tyler nods when Jamie finishes and looks like he wants to ask something, but he doesn't. Instead he stares down at his hands.

Jamie wants to do something, say something. To see Tyler smile.

He's not sure what.

Tyler chews his lip.

“I could find out for sure, if you'd like?” Jamie offers, hoping he's said the right thing.

Tyler’s head snaps up and the look on his face is surprise but also… something like… relief?

Jamie realizes that Tyler probably really wanted to ask Jamie if he could check, but didn't know if he was allowed to ask him to.

“Would that be okay? If I asked you to do that- You'd find out for me?” Tyler asks, so quiet and hopeful.

Before Jamie can answer, Tyler is sputtering about how Jamie doesn't have to, it's not a big deal. He'd hate for Jamie to go out of his way for him any further.

Jamie stops him by gripping his shoulder.

“Tyler, stop, seriously. I wouldn't offer if I wasn't willing to.”

Tyler looks up at Jamie with an unreadable expression.

After a moment, Tyler says, “Why... are you? Willing? Like… why are you so concerned with me? You can't possibly be like this with everyone you pull out of a building, right? Or just like, one person a year, you go the extra mile for them? I… I'm grateful. Don't think I don't appreciate it, but… I'm just curious, I guess.”

Jamie has no clue how to respond.

“I-...” Jamie sighs. “Okay, honestly? No. I never do this. I don't personalize or attach. I do in the moment, like with your neighbor. Diane? Was that her name?”

“Dana.”

“Exactly. I don't remember later. I can't. I'd never be able to do my job. If you work at Starbucks, you might remember some people, if they come in frequently. But in my line of work… I don't have regular customers. Hopefully, nobody's going through their home burning up more than once ever. So what's the other reason a barista remembers a customer?”

“They're unique? Interesting? Weird? Cute?” Tyler blushes a tiny bit at the last option.

Jamie looks at Tyler for a long time, and Tyler looks up at Jamie through his eyelashes, chewing his lip.

“Or,” Jamie starts. “They feel a connection. It clicks.”

Tyler seems to think about this for a long time, his face going through a wide range of emotions before landing on one Jamie can't put his finger on.

“All I know is I really appreciate it, Jamie. And I'm happy you don't see me as a routine. Because I think there is a connection.”

Jamie thinks he sounds like he wants to say more, looks like he meant to, but Jamie also isn't sure he wants to think about what.

“So when I'm out of here…. Where do I go to find my pup?”

“You could come to the firehouse.”

“You're keeping him at the firehouse?” Tyler says with a lopsided grin.

“During the day. I figure he has someone to play with all day if he's there.”

“And at night?”

“I bring him home with me. I told you I would.”

Tyler smiles wide, but tries to bite it down, bottom lip in his teeth.

“Thank you… Has he been behaving?”

Jamie smiles.

“He has… He, um, sleeps in your bed. Doesn't he?” Jamie asks.

Tyler nods.

“Explains that.”

“What?”

“I got him a dog bed. He laid on it until I got in bed. Then he got on top of me and fell asleep. He snores. I didn't know dogs snore.”

Tyler tries to cover his mouth to hide his laughter but it's pretty ineffective.

“Sorry. He, um… He likes to cuddle.”

Jamie's brain supplies the image of a shirtless Tyler in Jamie's bed, cuddling Marshall, waiting for Jamie and he has to clear his throat.

“It's okay. At least he likes me, eh?”

Tyler nods, smiling so wide it's blinding.

“Yes. It's good he likes you.”

Jamie shifts his weight and looks down, blushing as his stomach swoops.

“I…. Why is it good?” Jamie's says quietly, looking up.

Tyler sighs and chews his lip.

“Maybe this is a bad idea…” he mumbles.

Jamie's heart drops and he looks down at his toes.

“What's a bad idea?”

“Jamie. Maybe just let my mom pick Marshall up tomorrow. Okay?” Tyler sounds small.

Jamie feels crushed.

“Did I do something wrong? I mean… you changed your mind fast...”

Tyler looks up at Jamie and sucks in a sharp breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember, I'm paperandwords on tumblr!
> 
> Comments are super appreciated unless you be a jerk.


	3. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler is so fucked.
> 
> Marshall slept on Jamie. In his bed. And Jamie seems genuinely fine with that. He likes Marshall. Marshall likes him.
> 
> He bought a dog bed for him.
> 
> Tyler knows Jamie found a serious weak spot, Marshall is Tyler’s baby.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Captain Jamie Benn is a NYC firefighter. He pulls Tyler Seguin and his dog Marshall out of Tyler’s burning apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me. It gets better, I promise.
> 
>  
> 
> Takes place in 2019 in NYC.
> 
> Mentions of the September 11th attacks, and future attacks across the world in several cities. The time line would suggest these attacks happen in June 2016.
> 
> We're going to ignore the timeline of Tyler’s dog's because fiction.
> 
> Title and lyrics from Professor Green's "Lullaby" featuring Tori Kelly.

**Chapter 2**

_I ponder on things I shouldn't ponder on._  
_Off the rails, my train of thought's wandering._  
_Sick of pretending to be so happy a_ _ll the while my anxiety's away at me._

 

 

 

 

Tyler exhales shakily.

Jamie looks so fucking good.

He shows up, smiling warmly, big dark eyes swallowing Tyler up and- Jesus fucking christ- he's wearing this black v neck that's tight across his strong chest, broad shoulders, and thick arms. He has tattoos down his arms and Tyler wants to run his fingers along each of them. He wants to card through that perfectly side-parted, styled dark hair.

His big hands stuff into his jeans pockets as he stands, shy, blushy, gorgeous.

Tyler is so fucked.

Marshall slept on Jamie. In his bed. And Jamie seems genuinely fine with that. He likes Marshall. Marshall likes him.

He bought a dog bed for him.

Tyler knows Jamie found a serious weak spot, Marshall is Tyler’s baby.

_You just met this guy, and considering the circumstances of that meeting…. Mom isn't wrong…. This is dangerous._

Tyler looks at Jamie and, oh no. Sadness on a face that pretty is so fucking unfair.

“Jamie…. You didn't do anything wrong…. It's me.”

Jamie let's out a breath and looks up and to the right, rocking on his heels.

“So. The old, ‘it's not you, it's me’ then?”

Tyler gapes at Jamie before sputtering.

“It's fine, Tyler. Look, it's not like we even know each other, I just dragged you out of a burning building. It happens every day. It's my job. It doesn't mean anything. You don’t owe me anything. Taking care of Marshall was my decision, you don't owe me for that either. I get it. I just- I shouldn't have-… It's inappropriate for me to-... Anyway... I'm sorry. I’ll stay away. You can have your mom call me. She can get Marshall or I can bring him to her, whichever she prefers.”

Jamie leans over to a pen and paper by the phone and scribbles his number down quickly, swallowing and avoiding Tyler’s eyes he can probably sense on him.

His face is red and Tyler can't tell if it's in anger or embarrassment.

When he stands back upright, he still doesn't meet Tyler’s eyes.

Tyler has probably never hated himself more, and now he's unable to say _anything_.

“Get well, I guess. Um…. So. Bye. Tyler,” Jamie says so quietly Tyler has to strain to hear him.

Jamie backs to the door and quickly turns and strides out.

Tyler digs his heels of his hands into eyes and growls.

_The fuck did I do that for?!_

Tyler punches the hospital bed several times.

He lays miserably for a few hours.

Jamie's… He seems so sweet and he's gorgeous and- shit. He's a fireman. That is hot as fuck AND respectable.

Tyler really hates himself.

 

He wakes up the next morning to hear someone talking outside his room.

“He's been a bit quiet since… I think he's regretting letting you leave.”

 _What_.

“Jamie, just… Okay, Captain. Whatever you say.”

_WHAT._

His nurse, Angela, walks in, sliding her phone into her scrubs pocket.

“How are you feeling, Mr. Seguin?”

“If you can spy on me for the fire department, you can call me by my first name.”

She smiles, not even trying to hide it.

“Okay, Tyler,” she says as if she's accepting a challenge. She starts busying herself with Tyler’s vitals. “If you must know, Jamie didn't ask me for an update, he called to tell me to tell you that he took Marshall to the vet because he got ahold of some chocolate. A lot of it. His stomach got pumped but he's fine. Jamie stayed at the vet's all night. Slept in the waiting room. Isn't that sweet? Anyway, I told him all of that because I think he should talk to you. Let you apologize- which you should do, by the way. Then you guys could kiss and go on a date and hold hands and have steamy sex. He is such a wonderful person, has a sad story, but just. He has such a big heart and he really is as sweet as he seems. Honestly, if he wasn't gay,” she pauses when Tyler bites his lip. “Yes gay- sadly not bi- I'd have latched onto that tall, strong, gorgeous, sweet fireman so fast and tight he'd never get rid of me.”

She finally stops and looks up at Tyler.

“So naturally, I think you're kind of a fucking moron, Tyler.”

Tyler slowly grins.

“I like you.”

“I call you a moron and you tell me you like me?”

“You're honest,” he shrugs, reaching over to pick up the phone. He looks back and says, “And not wrong about the moron part.”

“Change that,” she says, pointing at the phone before turning and walking out.

Tyler tries to steady his breathing as he dials the number and waits.

After the third ring, Jamie picks up.

“Hello, this is Jamie Benn?”

“Hi, this is Tyler Seguin,” Tyler says, smirking.

“Oh. Um. Hi. Does your mom need to come get Marshall?”

“No.”

“.....Okay…. Um…. Marshall is fine, he got some chocolate. Gave me a scare, but he's okay.”

“Thank you so much, for taking him to the vet, by the way. I… Give me the vet bill at some point.”

“It's no big deal, Tyler, it wasn't that much.”

“Jamie. It's my responsibility. Let me pay you back.”

“O-Okay. Um…. Your apartment is fine. It's got light smoke damage, but it's.... nothing is ruined.”

Jamie still bothered to find out for Tyler.

Tyler’s stomach swoops.

“Thank you,” he breathes.

“You're welcome. So … um. Did- did yo-”

“About yesterday,” Tyler interrupts abruptly. “I'm really sorry, Jamie. I…. You weren't inappropriate and I don't want you to stay away. I… I'd like to get to know you, honestly. You seem so sweet and caring and, maybe it was you saving my life, but there is some connection I feel and…. Well, it doesn't hurt that you're basically the most gorgeous guy I've ever laid eyes on. So. I…. If you haven't decided this was a mistake and you actually don't want this… I would really like to see you again.”

There's a long silence and Tyler chews his lips.

Finally, he sighs and says, “Jamie?”

“Tyler, I….”

“Look, it's… it's fine. I… I'm sorry. I'll let you decide, you know where I'm at.”

“Yeah…..” Jamie sounds breathless. “Yeah, okay.”

“Bye, Jamie.”

“Bye… Tyler….”

Tyler hangs up and flops his head back.

There's nothing he can do now.

Just wait.

 

When his mom gets there, he just tells her everything.

It feels good. To get everything out.

She pets his head and smiles sadly.

“Baby, if he is a good man and deserves you, he’ll be smart enough to prove it. You're worth it.”

Tyler nods.

He hopes Jamie thinks Tyler is worth it. Or at least gives Tyler enough time to find out if Tyler is worth it.

His mom tells him about how his sisters are doing. How home is. Tyler asks about his aunt, who has been sick.

After a while, she kisses his head, tells him to rest, and heads to her hotel.

An hour passes before Tyler gives up his hope that Jamie will call or stop by and he tries falling asleep.


	4. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie laughs harder as Marshall crawls to sit with his front paws on Jamie's shoulder so he is basically laying against Jamie's body.
> 
> “Okay, daddy spoils you, doesn't he?” Jamie says, setting his beer on the side table next to him, wrapping an arm around Marshall. “What am I saying? Of course he does.”
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Captain Jamie Benn is a NYC firefighter. He pulls Tyler Seguin and his dog Marshall out of Tyler’s burning apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place in 2019 in NYC.
> 
> Mentions of the September 11th attacks, and future attacks across the world in several cities. The time line would suggest these attacks happen in June 2016.
> 
> We're going to ignore the timeline of Tyler’s dogs because fiction.
> 
> Title and lyrics from Professor Green's "Lullaby" featuring Tori Kelly.

**Chapter 3**

_My skin crawling, I look up to the sky and it falls, the walls close in and it's as if all the good in my life disappears in an instant, that thing is just so distant_   
  


 

 

Jamie gets home early with Marshall in tow.

He sets his water and food dish out, pouring a cupful of food into the bowl, and filling the water dish.

Jamie grabs a beer and flings himself down into a chair, watching Marshall eat.

He's still feeling kind of down on himself, and he kills the beer way faster than he probably should.

Jamie was pretty embarrassed when he left the hospital yesterday.

He'd spent the drive over talking himself into flirting and, well, that went about as well as Jamie figured.

His life is pretty rough on average, he's a broken mess, and Tyler’s…. Well.

He's fucking gorgeous and could do better for himself than the mess that Jamie kind of is.

He sighs and grabs a new beer, taking a swig.

Tyler looked so genuine and sweet talking to Jamie and then suddenly his whole demeanor changed.

He probably was realizing what his mother had said and got worried.

Jamie knows he would never make Tyler feel like he owed him, but people take advantage, so he knows it's good that Tyler worried and really considered it could be a bad idea to get involved with Jamie.

It still hurt.

Marshall getting into Spezza's birthday cake kind of scared the shit out Jamie, but at least worrying about him kept Jamie from feeling like shit about getting rejected by Tyler.

But then everything Tyler said on the phone….

Jamie runs his hands over his face, grabbing another beer and flopping back into the chair.

He's definitely drinking too fast for how little he has eaten today.

He sighs, thinking about what Tyler had said on the phone.

He definitely feels a strong pull toward Tyler that he can't explain.

And Tyler seems nice. And his smile makes Jamie feel completely weak.

And, well, he's got a fantastic body. Tattoos. Pretty eyes.

His dog is a bonus. Cute as hell and likes Jamie as much as Jamie likes him.

Marshall finishes eating and comes over to Jamie with a rope toy Jamie bought.

He puts his head on Jamie's leg, toy hanging out of his mouth and he looks straight into Jamie's eyes.

“Your dad likes me.”

Marshall stares.

“Tyler. He likes me. I like him. We don't even know each other. But…. I like Tyler.”

Marshall’s ears perk up at the sound of Tyler’s name.

“Your daddy,” Marshall’s head tips and he gently whines. “Of course, Tyler calls himself ‘daddy’ when he talks to you,” Jamie smirks. “Your daddy is really cute. So are you, but in a different way.”

Jamie's hand lazily strokes Marshall’s head and neck as he talks.

Marshall drops his toy on the floor and puts his front paws on the chair between Jamie's thighs, pushing his face into Jamie's.

Jamie laughs and leans back.

Marshall takes that as his cue to crawl into Jamie's lap.

Jamie laughs harder as Marshall crawls to sit with his front paws on Jamie's shoulder so he is basically laying against Jamie's body.

“Okay, daddy spoils you, doesn't he?” Jamie says, setting his beer on the side table next to him, wrapping an arm around Marshall. “What am I saying? Of course he does.”

Jamie thinks for a second, then works his phone out of his pocket.

He opens the camera and takes a photo of Marshall from his point of view, then holds the phone up and snaps a picture looking down at them.

It's a good picture- Marshall and Jamie both looking up at the camera, Jamie smiling wide and happy (a bit buzzed), and Marshall looking pretty similar, honestly.

Jamie bites his lip.

He thinks Tyler will like it.

Hopes he will.

He stays in the chair with Marshall for a while, finishing his beer.

When he finishes his beer, he pats Marshall’s back and says, “Let's go potty and then to bed, okay, buddy?”

He gets downstairs with Marshall, and lets him off the leash in the garden, watching as he sniffs around a bit before doing his business.

Jamie scoops it up in the bag and throws it in the bin before letting Marshall run around a bit, playfully chasing him around.

Eventually, they head upstairs and get ready for bed.

Jamie lays down, pats the bed, and smiles when Marshall jumps up and lays on his waist.

He grins, taking a picture of that too, certain that in the dim lighting, his scars won't be as obvious and noticeable.

He sighs, more peacefully than usual, and scratches Marshall’s ears, saying, “I'm gonna tell your daddy I like him tomorrow, Marshall, what do you think about that?”

Marshall stares at Jamie and slowly licks his bare hip, making Jamie giggle.

“That tickles.”

Jamie lowers the slider on the wall above the headboard until the lights go down and out.

Smiling into the darkness, Jamie thinks about what going on a date with Tyler would be like.

He wants to get milkshakes with him and hold his hand shyly and some other stupid, sappy shit.

 _More_ _50s shit._

 

He again wakes to being licked and laughs, ineffectually pushing at Marshall.

He gets ready, actually looking at himself in the mirror for a change.

Knowing he has the morning off, he gets ready carefully and plans what he is gonna say one hundred different ways, but none of it sounds any good.

He heads out the door with Marshall on a leash, his food & water bowl and a few toys in tow.

Dropping Marshall at the firehouse, he runs into Sharpy, Fidds, and Spezza.

“You look awful nice, Cap,” Sharpy grins. “Going to the hospital?”

Jamie throws Marshall’s tennis ball at Sharpy, hitting his side, but smiles despite his attempts to bite it back.

“Cute,” Spezza grins.

“Happy for you, Benny,” Fidds says seriously as he gently bumps his shoulder into Jamie's.

Jamie looks down and says, “I haven't even asked him on a date yet, Fidds. What are you happy for me about?”

“That you're going to. That you're not so sad all the time. I don't know. I think this will be a good thing.”

Jamie looks at him intently with a small smile.

Fidds shrugs and wraps an arm around Jamie, squeezing before walking off.

Jamie looks at the floor for a minute before handing Spezza all of Marshall’s stuff, because fuck Sharpy, the smug troll. Spezza gets to be dog uncle today.

Jamie breathes weird the whole way to the hospital.

When he gets to Tyler’s room, he checks his appearance in the covered window to a room nearby before exhaling shakily and going in.

The bed is empty.

What the fuck?

Jamie's shoulders slump and he looks around in confusion for a minute.

Tyler has to get his dog, though, right?

He couldn't have gone far for long, right?

Jamie is absolutely _not_ panicking.


	5. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie turns around and looks at Tyler with those big sweet cow eyes and Tyler leans up to press a small kiss to Jamie's cheek.
> 
> “I'll see you after lunch with my mom, okay? I'll come by and see Marshall. Give me a little tour of the firehouse, yeah?”
> 
> Jamie nods, smiling wide.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Captain Jamie Benn is a NYC firefighter. He pulls Tyler Seguin and his dog Marshall out of Tyler’s burning apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, things get real in this chapter.
> 
> Sad shit warning!
> 
> There is the description of the fictional attacks, what happened to Jordie, etc.
> 
> Sorry if this upsets anyone, I hope nothing like this ever does happen, obviously.
> 
> So, TRIGGER WARNING: implied terrorist attacks in the nearish future (with this timeline, these attacks would happen July 6th, 2016, let's hope I didn't accidentally predict anything).
> 
>  
> 
> Last chapter, writing giggly buzzed Jamie and Marshall was my favorite, this one, writing Jackie was my favorite.

**Chapter 4**

_So seeing the ones who I love, the ones who love me, but I don't wanna tell em how I feel in case they judge me._   
_It's just me, wish I could let somebody in_   
_But I ain't ever been too trusting._

 

 

 

Tyler smiles, jaw dropping open slightly and his mom stops talking.

“Tyler?”

He covers his mouth and points down the hall a bit.

His mom follows his gaze to where Jamie is fixing his hair in his reflection and adjusting his shirt before going into Tyler’s room.

“That's your fireman?”

Tyler nods.

“Shit, sweetie. He _is_ handsome. I'm a little jealous. You've got good taste, baby. Must get it from me. Seriously, he is _fine_. Good job.”

Tyler turns quickly.

“Mom! Jesus!”

She giggles and swats him.

“Go!”

He shakes his head and jogs to the room, stopping at the doorway and watching Jamie rub the back of his neck and sigh, turning to head to the door, stopping when he sees Tyler.

“Hey,” he says softly, surprise seeping into his voice.

Tyler leans against the door.

“Hey.”

Jamie blushes a little and looks down.

 _What?! I resisted the urge to very obviously eye molest you, what are you blushing about?!_ Tyler thinks, even though Jamie blushing is cute as fuck.

“I, um… I was a little confused when I came in to an empty room.”

Tyler smiles and says, “My mom sprung me.”

Jamie laughs and says, “Well, one- this isn't a prison-”

“Tell that to the food here.”

Jamie grins and continues, “Two- aren't you old enough to ‘spring’ yourself?”

“I am. I'm 27, if you'd like to know.”

“29.”

Tyler nods and there's a small silence.

“Wanna come get Marshall or… I guess you don't really know where you're going for now, right? Apartment is still taped off for now.”

“Shit, yeah…” Tyler rubs the back of his neck sheepishly, then runs his hand over his face. “You really don't have to keep watching him, Jamie. I can-”

Jamie steps into Tyler’s space, standing right in front of him and wraps his fingers around Tyler’s forearm, pulling his arm down.

Tyler freezes and licks his lips, staring into Jamie's big eyes.

“Tyler, I swear to god. I don't. Mind. Watching. Marshall.”

Jamie's smiling despite his tone.

Tyler smiles slowly and looks down.

“Okay. I should come see him, though.”

“Yeah, he probably misses you.”

“I bet he did just fine with you,” Tyler says, looking up at Jamie through his eyelashes.

“God, you're fucking cute when you do that, you know that? ...Probably.”

Tyler grins.

“Yeah, see you knew that's cute.”

“Hopefully that's not the only time I'm cute…”

“I'm willing to bet you're never not cute but, um… I'd love to find out for sure.”

Tyler looks excited and says, “yeah?”

Jamie nods, saying, “Want to have dinner tonight?”

“Dinner is very formal sounding- or at least the way you said it- but yes, I do.”

“I had this thought of going for milkshakes in my head last night.”

Tyler laughs.

“That's really cute. Last night, when you were cuddled up with my dog?”

Jamie nods, sliding his phone out, showing Tyler the pictures.

“Oh, fuck,” Tyler says, covering his mouth. “Send me that one of you both looking up and that one of you two in bed.”

Tyler slides his phone out of his jeans pocket and rattles his number of to Jamie.

Jamie blushes at sending Tyler a shirtless picture- _the scars_ \- but sends them anyway.

“I'm gonna make this shit my background, I swear,” Tyler mumbles, grinning.

Jamie's name comes up in Tyler’s phone as Captain Jamie, which Jamie has to bite a grin back about.

“Shut up, the fireman thing is hot, okay?”

Jamie holds his hands up and says, “That's fine. And I know. Sharpy is still trying to get us to do a sexy calendar at the firehouse.”

Tyler looks at Jamie very seriously and swallows, “Oh, please do.”

Jamie laughs hard, despite his blush.

“God, now Sharpy has an ally.”

“Very much so, yes.”

Tyler’s mom sticks her head in the door and says, “Boys, I hate to interrupt, but-”

“Right!” Tyler says. “Mom, Jamie. Jamie, this is my mom.”

Jamie takes her hand and greets her, getting her actual name, looking her in the eyes as he talks, being such a sweet gentleman and Tyler could die happy just watching.

“Well, I have heard a lot about you. What he knows anyway.”

“Mom…”

Jamie blushes and smiles at Tyler, then looks back at his mom, saying, “Well, he's gonna get to learn more tonight,” he looks back at Tyler. “Right?”

Tyler nods, smiling.

They say their goodbyes in the parking lot and Jamie starts to head to the car, hands in his pockets.

Tyler jogs a few feet to him to stop him.

“Jamie, wait.”

Jamie turns around and looks at Tyler with those big sweet cow eyes and Tyler leans up to press a small kiss to Jamie's cheek.

“I'll see you after lunch with my mom, okay? I'll come by and see Marshall. Give me a little tour of the firehouse, yeah?”

Jamie nods, smiling wide.

They part again and Jamie watches Tyler walk with his mom.

 

Tyler basically rushes through his lunch with his mom and she goes off to shop as he quickly heads to the firehouse.

Seeing Jamie in his uniform again is a good thought.

Tyler arrives and looks around when he walks in.

A guy he doesn't recognize comes up to him and says, “hey, you're Tyler, right?”

Tyler nods and the guy- who is pretty stunning- says, “Your dog is so cute and awesome. I'm Patrick. Sharp. People call me Sharpy,” he extends a hand to Tyler who shakes it and smiles.

“So you're who I need around to get Jamie on board with sexy firefighters calendar?”

Sharpy laughs and says, “Well, I mean… look at me, for starters.”

Tyler nods in agreement.

“You _are_ very good looking,” Tyler says.

“Thank you. You're not bad yourself,” Sharpy winks.

Tyler smiles sheepishly and thanks Sharpy.

“Sharpy, don't you need to be helping Eaks?” Tyler hears behind him.

He turns to see Jamie staring darkly at Sharpy.

Tyler’s breath catches in his throat.

Jamie looks so good.

He's got on a thin, white v-neck that clings to him and suspenders holding up his uniform pants. His hair is a bit messier than usual but god, Tyler still wants to thread his fingers through it. He's a little sweaty and Tyler’s mind goes properly south at the sight.

Tyler very much wants to tug Jamie by his suspenders to somewhere a bit more private.

Sharpy puts his hands up, backing away and says, “Alright, calm down, Benny. I'm faithfully married, remember?” he wiggles his ring-clad-finger at Jamie and strides away.

Tyler takes a few steps toward Jamie, stopping in front of him.

“Ooh, you're sexy when you get all possessive and murderous.”

Jamie blushes and looks away.

“Just don't get creepy possessive.”

Jamie looks back at Tyler and stares with his big dark eyes.

“Of course not,” he says very gently.

Tyler smiles and lets his eyes very obviously trail up and down Jamie, who blushes furiously.

Tyler says, “So show me around, Captain,” reaching up to hook a finger in Jamie's suspenders, snapping it gently before turning and heading to the door to the hall.

Jamie is by his side, swallowing hard by the time they reach the door.

Jamie shows him around, Marshall meeting them in the hall with Rous and Val, jumping all over Tyler excitedly.

They wind up in the barracks area, and Jamie motions toward a room labeled locker room, saying, “I'm gonna shower really quick. I'm kinda disgusting after drills.”

“Take your time, I'll hang out here with Marshy.”

Jamie nods and moves to grab his change of clothes before heading to the showers.

Tyler smiles when he sees pictures on the wall.

When he comes back out to the barracks, Tyler is laying on Jamie’s bunk, legs hanging off, Marshall curled up next to him. Tyler’s eyes are closed but his fingers are scratching Marshall’s ears. His shirt is rucked up to his navel, jeans low below his hip bones.

Jamie inhales sharply, breath catching in his throat, making Tyler’s lips twitch, and he walks toward the bed, stopping beside it.

Tyler’s eye cracks open and he looks at Jamie.

“These aren't very comfortable.”

“No,” Jamie says.

“How often do you actually sleep in this?”

Jamie chews his lip and quietly says, “Not a lot.”

Tyler pushes his shirt down and stands, pointing at the pictures.

“Who’s this?” Tyler points at a picture and Jamie doesn't really need to take a closer look to know which one he's talking about.

“You two look awfully cuddly.”

Jamie knows the picture. It was one of his favorites. Him and Jordie, arms slung around each other, heads pressed together, and they're both laughing happily.

“Its… Jordie.”

“Huh?”

“My brother.”

“Your brother is a firefighter too? That's neat. So he's on the same team? That's probably harsh for him, his brother is the Captain. Older or younger?”

“Older,” Jamie basically whispers.

“So he, like, begrudgingly has to listen to you?”

Jamie stays quiet and Tyler leans toward him.

“Jamie?”

His eyes finally meet Tyler’s and Tyler feels his heart nearly stop at how sad Jamie looks.

“What is it?”

Jamie sighs and sits on the edge of the bed.

“Three years ago… The world attacks. The Empire State Building and JFK airport here, the Capitol building in DC, the Willis in Chicago, the Financial Center in Shanghai, Shard in London, the Eiffel Tower in Paris, and the Al Hamra in Kuwait…..”

Tyler quietly says, sitting down next to Jamie, “I remember. It was scary. I was still living in Toronto and we kept expecting something to happen at the CN.”

Jamie nods.

“That day was rough. Paris, London, and Shanghai happened, then the airport and we were basically just… waiting to hear what was gonna be next, what we were gonna have to face. We never got called to the airport. Small bombing, shooting, contained fast... Luckily, most were minor attacks, the impact wasn't as big as it was supposed to be. In DC, Chicago, and London, they were able to disarm bombs, catch people before they completely took the buildings down. Here, Paris, Shanghai, Kuwait…. Not so lucky.”

“I had just been to Paris, first time ever. Went to the Eiffel. Just under a month before. Weird to think it's just gone now.”

Jamie nods.

“I mean, weird to look up and not see the Empire State Building. I'd been here so many times before that and…. Anyway….”

Tyler motions for Jamie to continue and Jamie looks down, wringing his hands.

“It was my fourth year on the team, almost fifth. I made Captain soon after…. Anyway, Jordie, he… He was in his sixth year. He…” Jamie swallows, running his fingers along his tattoo. Tyler’s eyes watch the action. “We got these together…. We were never just brothers, though, we were best friends. Jenny- our sister- she never stood a chance,” Jamie smiles a little. “Anyway, he… our team was at the Empire State Building. We… we got separated on the stairs somehow on our second trip back down. Somewhere around the 10th floor. We were all told to keep moving. And then we felt the building moving, still four floors up, but we knew we had a chance. We had to try no matter what. None of us had ever moved so fast in our lives. And we got out. Got 30 feet before it started to come down.”

Jamie swallows and wrings his hands, not able to look at Tyler.

“I-...” Jamie coughs and his throat sounds like it's full of mud.

Tyler looks at Jamie, realization and horror of what Jamie is about to tell him washing over him.

“He was still in there. Him and Daddy and Eaves and Faksa and Moen and Goose…. They- They were still in there and all I could do is watch the building come down.” Jamie chokes and goes across the room to the fridge for a bottle of water.

Tyler sits, stunned, staring at Jamie sadly.

Jamie doesn't turn back to Tyler, he stands with his hands braced against the counter and shakes.

Tyler moves to him, putting his hands on his back gently.

When Jamie doesn't react, Tyler wraps his arms around him and pulls him tight against his chest, resting his head on Jamie's shoulder.

Jamie's hands go to Tyler’s arms.

After a second, Jamie turns in Tyler’s arms and lets Tyler wrap him up in a tight embrace.

Tyler doesn't say a word, just holds Jamie, running his fingers through his hair.

After a few moments, Jamie is shaking less and Tyler’s shirt collar is damp.

“Fuck,” Jamie mumbles, burying his face into Tyler’s collarbone.

Tyler rubs his back gently, turning his head so his lips are against Jamie's scalp as he says, “Don't you dare be embarrassed. Don't you go thinking you've ruined this or scared me off, either. Because that's just not true and you have every fucking right to hurt. And cry. Do you understand, Jamie?”

Jamie nods and Tyler pulls him away to look him deep in his eyes.

“It's okay and you're okay to be like this. Because that is devastating and I am so, so sorry that it happened. I can't imagine how fucking bad that hurts.”

Jamie nods and Tyler smiles at him, wiping his face with his thumbs.

“Thanks… I… I need to talk about it sometimes and I don't. It's hard.”

Tyler nods and says, “I understand. I can't imagine how difficult-…. You know, because you've gotta do your job and…. And it's not like you're the only one who lost someone that day, so you feel like you've gotta deal with it better.”

Jamie nods.

Tyler puts his hands on Jamie's shoulders, saying, “But you can't let yourself think that, Jamie. You deserve to be able to talk. Grieve. Be in pain. You can't be strong all the time.”

Jamie nods and smiles weakly, “Thank you, Tyler…. I….” Jamie frowns and looks down. “This isn't going how I hoped it would.”

Tyler laughs and says, “It's okay, though. Like I said, you're not scaring me off.”

Jamie looks up at Tyler and smiles.

Tyler starts to say something, but Jamie puts a hand on either side of his face and leans in to press his lips to Tyler’s, catching Tyler’s lower lip between his.

Tyler briefly scrambles to keep up with what's currently happening, running his hands up Jamie's back, one hand resting between his shoulder blades, the other tangling in Jamie’s hair as he kisses back.

They pull apart, staying close and breathing against each other's lips, eyes locked on each other's.

Jamie tips his head to press their lips together again quickly before they part and lets Tyler wrap him up again, his face buried in Tyler’s neck.

“I wanted to take you on a date before kissing you but you're being so fucking good and…. I couldn't,” Jamie mumbles, laughing.

Tyler grins and says, “Sorry, but um… I'm not complaining.”

Tyler feels Jamie smile and they pull apart.

They walk to the main hall, holding hands and Sharpy grins, but doesn't say anything.

Tyler takes Marshall’s leash and clips it on the collar.

“I'm gonna take him to the park. Meet up with my mom, she misses him.”

Jamie nods and says, “Okay, I'll pick you up at 7?”

Tyler grins.

“Such a gentleman. Of course. I'll text you the hotel address?”

Jamie nods and the way he looks into Tyler’s eyes makes Tyler’s knees weak and he feels out of breath.

“Intense. His eyes and the way he looks at you sometimes is just intense,” he tells his mom later. “It's like… He's seeing _you_. Not anything else, not any superficial stuff. But he's looking for something... Deeper.”

“He wants to make sure he sees you, not the stuff other people might assume about you at first glance.”

“Y-yeah. I think so.”

She smiles, saying, “Good. He seemed that way, when he was talking to me, he continued to hold my hand with both of his, leaned in to look me in the eyes. It was important to him to be attentive.”

“Yeah…. It's really intense. But in a good way….”

Tyler slowly smiles and takes a sip of his iced coffee.

“Boys like that, intense, romantic…. Strong. He's going to be really, _really_ good in bed. Fierce.”

Tyler sputters and spits iced coffee, his mom cackling.

“Jesus fucking christ, Mom.”

“Honey, watch your mouth.”

Tyler throws his hands up in disbelief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DATE NEXT CHAPTER! THIS IS NOT A FUCKING DRILL, Y'ALL!
> 
> Seriously though, the next chapter is cute af.
> 
> Thank you for reading, comments are super appreciated!


	6. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time gets a little lost and when Jamie checks Tyler into the boards, for a second, he's terrified that it was too rough for the fact they have no pads.
> 
> And this is a date.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Captain Jamie Benn is a NYC firefighter. He pulls Tyler Seguin and his dog Marshall out of Tyler’s burning apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 1 of the date:
> 
>  
> 
> Hockey!

**Chapter 5**

_The point of things I never have went from being a reason for the things that I do to just being an excuse that I'd use._   
_I've gotta take responsibility for the things I do._   
  
  


 

 

 

Jamie breathes in sharply and adjusts his jacket again, smoothes his hair again, and finally knocks.

Tyler’s mom answers the door and says, “Hi, Jamie, sweetheart,” and lets him in the hotel room.

“Hi, Jackie. How was your day?”

“Good, very good.”

Tyler comes out of the bathroom, carrying shoes.

“Hey, Jamie,” he says when he sees Jamie, his grin blinding.

Jamie smiles and greets Tyler, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek.

Tyler blushes, looking in his mom’s direction before sitting down and putting his shoes on.

Jamie kind of forgot Jackie was there when Tyler smiled.

Jackie smiles at Jamie and goes into the bathroom, closing the door.

“She's literally just giving us privacy,” Tyler laughs.

Jamie chuckles and says, “So, I dropped Marshall with Sharpy. Him and his girls and his dog will probably spoil him worse than me.”

Tyler grins and says, “Sounds good, can never spoil him more than me, so…”

Jamie smiles and stands in front of Tyler when he stands up, smiling as he hooks a couple of fingers with Tyler's.

He watches Tyler smile slowly as he turns his hand to lace their fingers the rest of the way.

“Ready to go?” Jamie says softly.

“Yes.”

Jamie raises his eyebrows and says, “You don't want to know where?”

Tyler smiles and says, “Jamie…. I'd basically go anywhere you wanted to go,” his eyes trail down Jamie's chest. “And, um, yeah. I'll go pretty willingly.”

Jamie blushes and looks down.

Tyler tips his head back up with a few fingers under his chin.

“You're kind of drop dead sexy, you know. On top of being totally fucking sweet and wonderful and cute all the time.”

Jamie feels like he's on fire with how much he's blushing, and, yeah, Tyler needs to stop looking at him like that or they're never leaving and Jackie is gonna be in the bathroom for a while.

He clears his throat and places his hands firmly on Tyler’s hips.

“Tyler, I would really love to prove to you how _fucking good_ you look to me, how sexy you are, but…. I don't know how long your mom wants to stay in that bathroom.”

Tyler giggles and Jamie wants to melt at the sight.

“Plus, I'm a gentleman, thank you very much, so…. Date.”

Tyler smiles and wraps his arms around Jamie's neck, leaning up to kiss him gently.

“Okay, gentleman, let's get going.”

Jamie smiles as they part, opening the door.

Tyler knocks on the bathroom door and calls out, “Mom, we're leaving!”

“Have a good time!” She flings the bathroom door open and looks at Jamie. “And don't you hurt my baby, mister.”

“I'd never,” Jamie says, hand over his heart.

She smiles and Tyler heads to the door that Jamie's holding open.

He waves at Jackie and heads out.

Tyler smiles at him and offers his hand, which makes Jamie grin and take it.

They head down in the elevator and out to the parking lot, heading to Jamie's truck.

“So, your mom seems great.”

“She is.”

Jamie looks at him across the center console and asks, “Are you the baby?”

“No, oldest. But I'm her only boy. I have two sisters,” when Jamie doesn't say anything, Tyler asks, “W- Was it just you and your brother?”

Jamie shakes his head.

“I have my older sister, Jenny.”

“Oh, right. You mentioned her…. Wait. Jen Benn,” Tyler laughs.

“I know.”

“So you're the baby, eh? God, I bet you got away with everything as a kid. Those big eyes, jesus. And those lips?  Bet your pout is on point. Your siblings didn't stand a chance, eh?”

Jamie laughs helplessly because, well, Tyler’s not wrong.

He sobers and says, “I have no idea what you're talking about,” trying hard to keep a straight face and mostly failing.

Tyler smiles, clear that he knows he's right.

They talk as Jamie drives- light, getting-to-know-you stuff.

Jamie makes a kind of huge discovery- Tyler likes to play hockey.

Jamie's always loved hockey and the team regularly plays together, as well as going to Rangers’ games.

So Jamie changes directions and sends a quick text at the next light, getting a fairly quick response.

He pulls up in front of a 3-flat that has Tyler raising an eyebrow.

“One second, I just need to grab something.”

“Is this your dealer’s house or something?” Tyler jokes.

Jamie rolls his eyes and jogs up to the door, knocking.

Rich opens the door and smiles at Jamie, handing him a set of keys.

“Have a good date, Jamie, lock up when you leave, don't lose the keys, give em to me in the morning.”

“Thank you, Pevs.”

“No fucking in the box.”

Jamie glares.

“Or anywhere else.”

“Goodnight, Rich.”

He jogs back to the car, quickly getting in and buckling up.

He smiles at Tyler and says, “I have a better plan than my original plan.”

They quickly arrive at the big sports complex.

Tyler looks around and grins.

“Romantic couples’ skate?”

Jamie smiles and says, “Something like that,” getting out of the truck, closing the door before Tyler can respond.

He gets to the door, unlocking it before Tyler catches up to him and smirks, just stretching his free hand out behind him without looking, and Tyler laces their fingers together as they walk into the dark complex.

Jamie finds a light and goes behind the counter, finding his size skates and asks Tyler for his, grabbing them for him.

He steps back around the counter, handing Tyler the skates and taking his hand again.

They step through the doors to the rink, Jamie feeling along the wall for the switch and he flips half of them on, leaving the others off.

“Mood lighting,” he grins at Tyler, who shakes his head, but smiles regardless.

They lace up and stretch a bit, Jamie slightly slower than Tyler, and Tyler wastes no time stepping onto the ice.

He does a wide lap, getting back around as Jamie is just stepping out onto it.

Tyler smiles sweetly, but skids to a stop, spraying Jamie's legs up to his mid-thigh with ice.

Jamie laughs and swats at Tyler.

“Brat.”

He dusts his legs off, Tyler helping.

Tyler smiles at Jamie, wrapping his arms around Jamie's neck and leaning in to kiss him, stopping about an inch away.

Jamie refuses to let him off so easy though and just waits with his hands on Tyler’s hips.

He guesses he probably has a great deal more patience than Tyler.

He's not wrong.

Tyler whines and leans in the rest of the way, catching Jamie's lips slow and gently.

They kiss for a bit before finally pulling apart.

“You're lucky you're cute, y’know,” Jamie mumbles against his lips.

Tyler pulls back a little and smiles, looking kind of shy for probably the first time since Jamie's met him.

Jamie feels fluttery at that and ducks his head before backing up a bit, taking Tyler’s hand and skating.

Tyler giggles and lets Jamie just pull him for a second before skating alongside him.

They skate hand-in-hand for a bit, talking, and… it's nice. Easy.

This feels so easy to Jamie.

Everything always feels heavy and difficult, especially being social.

But not this.

Being around Tyler feels easy.

“Jamie?”

Jamie shakes himself out of his thoughts and looks at Tyler.

“Sorry.”

“I know, I'm rambling.”

“No, I just… I got caught up in my head. I- Don't think I wasn't interested or anything…. Just…. This-This is really nice.”

Tyler smiles slowly and Jamie isn't sure how he's supposed to deal with how Tyler looks right now.

He's so gorgeous.

Tyler giggles and Jamie realizes he said that last part to Tyler.

He doesn't even feel like he might blush.

 

After a half hour of skating and talking, Jamie grabs a puck and two sticks, bringing them to the ice.

Tyler’s left eyebrow shoots up and he's smirking.

“Competitive type?”

Tyler nods.

Jamie grins and says, “Game on.”

He drops the puck in between them and slams his stick down, somehow still getting the draw.

He taps the puck between Tyler’s skates and weaves around him, beelining to the net.

The feeling rises in his stomach and chest of just _knowing_. Knowing without looking. Tyler is just to his left, barely a foot behind Jamie.

He plays toward the left for long enough to see Tyler's stick reaching, then jerks right, grinning at Tyler taking the bait, thinking Jamie's gonna be that easy and obvious.

He sees Tyler correct and come swooping in front of him and- jesus, Tyler is _fast_.

But Jamie gets the puck behind him just as Tyler is about to snatch it up.

Jamie drops back, using Tyler’s speed against him, and watching him double back, he speeds past his blind spot, slamming the puck into the back of the net.

Tyler whoops and laughs.

“I may have slightly underestimated you,” he says, stopping in front of Jamie.

“Gee, thanks.”

Tyler shrugs and says, “Well, glad I was wrong. You knew exactly where I was gonna be and what I was gonna do.”

Jamie smiles and says, “You're fucking fast, though.”

“Thanks.”

They go back and forth a few times and some points, Jamie doesn't stand stand fucking chance and he just gives in and admires Tyler.

His stick handling is ridiculous.

Time gets a little lost and when Jamie checks Tyler into the boards, for a second, he's terrified that it was too rough for the fact they have no pads.

And this is a date.

But Tyler turns around to where Jamie had started to take off with the loose puck, but slowed to a stop to check on Tyler, and his grin is blinding.

He starts after Jamie so he takes off again, wheeling the puck to the net, but Tyler gets his stick against Jamie's as he shoots and it sends the puck at an angle, bouncing it way up and over the boards out of the rink.

Tyler dissolves into giggles and Jamie can't help giggling along.

When he sobers, Tyler is so close and still giggling.

He wraps an arm around Tyler’s waist, tugging him flush against himself.

Tyler’s skate catches awkwardly on Jamie's and, before they can react, they go tumbling.

Tyler lands basically on top of Jamie, sort of winding both of them with a grunt.

Jamie catches his breath and immediately starts laughing, the uncontrollable laughter that has always made him slightly embarrassed if anyone sees him do it.

And there it is- like a squeaky hiccup.

He can't stop, but his hands are still holding Tyler close and Tyler's giggling uncontrollably as well and he looks beyond adorable above Jamie, his hands gripping Jamie's shoulders, and that makes any potential embarrassment kind of unimportant.

When he stops laughing so hard, he looks up to see Tyler staring down at him with a fond look.

“Jamie…” he says, kind of breathless sounding.

“Yeah?”

Tyler chews his lip and runs his fingers through Jamie's hair.

“You're fucking beautiful, do you know that?”

Jamie blushes so hard, he imagines the heat will start melting the ice under him.

“I'm… I'm pretty sure that nobody has ever called me beautiful before.”

“Well, that's a fucking tragedy. Because you are.”

Jamie chews his lip furiously and blushes deeper.

“Your eyes and smile and your body and the way you look playing hockey and how sweet you are and that fucking dorky laugh? That shit is precious. I feel like I just won something getting to watch you laugh like that.”

Wow, and okay, Jamie's face hurts from smiling so hard and blushing so much.

Tyler saves him though, getting to his knees and helping Jamie to his.

Jamie lets Tyler pull him to his feet but isn't 100% prepared to be yanked into a kiss.

And damn. This kiss. It's fucking _good_.

It's fierce and passionate and aggressive, but not rough.

It's somehow really sweet.

Tyler kissing him like this makes Jamie's head spin.

When Tyler pulls back, Jamie chases his lips, hand wrapping around the back of his neck, bringing him back.

Tyler squeaks in surprise as Jamie presses them back together, the hand on the back of his neck sliding up into his hair, tangling in it as Jamie kisses the life out of him.

Jamie's other hand is clamped on Tyler’s hip, pulling him against Jamie's body.

Tyler's hands wrap around Jamie's waist, running up his back.

Jamie's thumb hooks up under Tyler's shirt and rubs against the soft skin, causing Tyler to shiver a little.

They finally part again and Jamie keeps Tyler close, his forehead against Jamie's cheekbone, and Jamie slowly cards his fingers through Tyler’s hair.

“Let's go get some dinner, eh?”

Tyler nods and Jamie smiles backing up and taking his hand as they start toward the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me comments, I appreciate them!


	7. Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie smiles and ducks his head.
> 
> Tyler sets his milkshake down and leans forward, getting on his knees and slipping a hand under Jamie's chin, tipping his head back up and running his other hand up the side of Jamie's neck to his hair where it's short on the sides, scraping his fingers behind Jamie's ear before wrapping his hand around the back of Jamie's neck.
> 
> He looks at him for a moment before smiling and leaning down to kiss Jamie gently.
> 
> Jamie's hands settle on Tyler’s hips as he kisses back slowly.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Captain Jamie Benn is a NYC firefighter. He pulls Tyler Seguin and his dog Marshall out of Tyler’s burning apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of date:
> 
> Milkshakes in the park under the moonlight like fucking saps.

**Chapter 6**

_All the time I have laid in your love_  
_When your love kept me safe through the night_  
  


 

 

 

Jamie is gonna be the death of Tyler, he just knows it.

Skating, playing hockey, _that fucking laugh_.

Kissing him like that.

Jesus.

Jamie fucking knows. He knows what he just did to Tyler, the smug fucker.

Tyler couldn't even trust himself to talk.

He just dumbly nodded when Jamie said they should go eat.

_Yeah. Sure. whatever you want, I'll do it. Just move my body in that direction._

He's so gone after Jamie kissing him like that.

Shit.

His brain is just kind of goo.

Tyler looks up at Jamie from across the center console of his truck as the fireman is buckling his seatbelt and, in the dim light of the parking lot, Jamie looks even more beautiful than he did earlier as he was laying on the ice laughing uncontrollably, clinging to Tyler.

He looks so…. Happy. Pleasant. Relaxed.

Tyler wonders how long it's been for Jamie. If it's Tyler doing this to him.

Tyler reaches across the center console just as Jamie starts the truck and takes his hand.

Jamie's big, dark eyes meet Tyler’s and he smiles slowly.

“I know this date isn't over yet, but I've been having a really amazing time with you,” Tyler says gently, trying to push all of the sincerity he can into his words.

He wants Jamie to know.

He deserves to know.

Jamie looks at him for a moment before unbuckling to lean over and take Tyler’s face in his free hand, saying, “I'm really glad to hear you say that because I've not felt this good around another person in years.”

Jamie's staring right into Tyler's eyes the whole time, like he's just looking right into Tyler’s mind, like he'd know immediately if Tyler lied or was insincere.

Tyler would never.

Not to Jamie.

He can't imagine not telling that face the truth.

Jamie is still leaning in and staring intensely at him, small smile on his lips.

“Fuck….” Tyler breathes out.

Jamie's eyebrow quirks up.

“You're just…. Unreal. So gorgeous.”

Jamie smiles and says, “So are you, you know.”

Tyler smiles and ducks his head.

Jamie moves back into his seat, buckling up again and pulling out of the parking lot with a smile.

They wind up at a burger place that Jamie swears is the best.

He's not wrong. The food is amazing.

When they finish eating, Jamie smiles across the table at Tyler, looking up through his eyelashes.

“They serve milkshakes here,” he smiles wider.

Tyler grins and flags a waitress over.

They end up getting milkshakes to go and drive to a park.

Jamie sips his shyly as they walk before sliding his hand down Tyler's forearm to his hand and Tyler laces their fingers together.

“God, you're so cute,” he blurts out.

Jamie blushes a little and squeezes Tyler’s hand.

“So you keep saying,” he says.

Tyler grins at him.

“It's true.”

“And a huge compliment coming from you.”

“Thank you. So do you think I could possibly talk you into a calendar?”

Jamie's laugh as he tips his head back has Tyler mentally fist-pumping.

“Probably not. And I don't think I'd even be the hardest person on the team to convince. Probably Fidds.”

“Did I meet him?”

Jamie shakes his head.

“I'd love to meet everybody.”

That seems to make Jamie happy.

“Well, we are having a barbecue at Sharpy’s place in a few days. On the 18th.”

“Is that an invite?”

“Yeah. Not like Sharpy would mind. And his girls and their dog, Shooter, they love Marshall.”

“Sounds like a plan, then,” Tyler grins.

They sit down on a small bridge over the pond and Tyler can't stop looking at Jamie.

There isn't much light over here, so it's just the moonlight reflecting off of the pond illuminating his face, but he looks so gorgeous.

Tyler smiles slowly and Jamie looks up at him finally.

“You're staring.”

“Can't help it. I am overwhelmed by you, Mr. Benn.”

“Why’s that?”

“You're so wonderful. And on top of everything else wonderful about you, you look that damn good.”

Jamie smiles and ducks his head.

Tyler sets his milkshake down and leans forward, getting on his knees and slipping a hand under Jamie's chin, tipping his head back up and running his other hand up the side of Jamie's neck to his hair where it's short on the sides, scraping his fingers behind Jamie's ear before wrapping his hand around the back of Jamie's neck.

He looks at him for a moment before smiling and leaning down to kiss Jamie gently.

Jamie's hands settle on Tyler’s hips as he kisses back slowly.

The angle is weird and should be more annoying, but neither of them can care much.

Tyler could kiss Jamie forever, honestly.

He kisses so good.

Strong and passionate and deep, but gentle and careful at the same time.

They pretty easily lose track of time and when they finally pull apart, Tyler has basically wound up in Jamie's lap, between his strong thighs with Jamie's arms wrapped around him, holding him at an angle so that Tyler is curled against his chest and Jamie is craning his neck to angle his face down and sideways to kiss him.

Tyler isn't sure when he gave in so much to give that much dominance to Jamie, but he's not embarrassed about it for a second.

“Hey,” he says softly, hand cupping Jamie's jaw to keep him looking into his eyes.

“Hmm?”

“I want to go home with you really badly. Is that too much too soon?”

Jamie's lips part and he gapes at Tyler, blushing slightly but not looking away.

“I want to say no. That it's not too much,” Jamie finally says.

“.....But?”

“But I want to behave… I… I'm not good at letting people in easy and… maybe if this was just casual, I might just sleep with you, but I really like you. And I….”

“Want to go slow?”

“Kind of….” Jamie looks away, seeming to be slightly pulling away from Tyler and he just can't have that.

He holds tight, not letting Jamie move.

“Dont pull away. That's okay, Jamie. I want that too. But I also want you to pin me down to your bed and-”

Jamie clears his throat, blushing furiously, but he's smiling.

“Sorry,” Tyler laughs.

“S’fine,” Jamie mumbles, still blushing.

“You're just…. Fuck. You're strong and big, but sweet and gentle and I just…. I can't stop imagining how fucking good you would be in bed.”

Okay, Tyler should probably let up because Jamie looks like he needs to be dunked in the water to cool the heat from his blush.

Tyler kisses his cheek sweetly.

“I'm so gone for you, Jamie. I feel so sappy and gross in my head,” he laughs against Jamie's collarbone, burying his face. “I haven't really liked anybody like this in…. Ever.”

Jamie's hands are rubbing up and down Tyler’s back and bicep.

“Me neither,” he whispers shakily. “It's kind of fucking scary.”

“You run into burning buildings for a living.”

“This seems scarier somehow,” Jamie laughs and Tyler laughs too.

“It does…”

“But I mean it. I really like you Tyler. And yeah, the idea of taking you home and getting you out of your clothes and into my bed is…. Wow, I mean, nothing sounds better than that right now. But also, I want to have a really solid relationship and I'm worried that if we just sleep together right away-”

Tyler puts his hand over Jamie's mouth.

“Shh. I agree 100%, Jamie. I'm not going anywhere because you wanna take it slow. I'm glad you do because I know I do too, but I also know that I don't have great willpower so you kind of have to for both of us.”

His hand slips back to Jamie's neck.

Jamie's eyes never leave Tyler’s and as soon as Tyler moves his hand, Jamie ducks his head down to kiss him deeply.

When he pulls away, he leans his forehead against Tyler’s and Tyler tangles his fingers into Jamie’s hair.

“Thank you,” he finally whispers, voice shaking.

“Of course, Jamie…. Thank you for being so fucking wonderful. For being stronger than me and able to behave,” Tyler laughs and he feels Jamie huff out a laugh. “Because I really do want to take the time… You are definitely worth it, Jame….” his voice dips quiet and breathy at the end without his permission.

Jamie's huge smile in response is unbelievable.

They eventually head back to Jamie's truck and Jamie takes the longest route he can to the hotel, going up with Tyler and kissing him against the wall outside of the room.

“I'll come by the firehouse tomorrow, yeah?” Tyler says against Jamie's lips.

“Yeah,” Jamie says softly. “Around 2?”

“Sure.”

“Okay. I'll see you then.”

Tyler nods and kisses Jamie again.

They say their goodnights and Jamie leaves, walking backwards down the hall with his hands jammed into his pocket to watch Tyler as he goes into the room.

As soon as he gets the door shut, his mom is all over him, asking how their date went and he leaves out some details, but she seems pleased.

 

The next day goes well and Tyler meets the whole team, getting on with everyone easily.

His mom comes along and starts into a long conversation with Jamie and Rich as Tyler watches fondly.

Sharpy and Val stand talking to Tyler and when Tyler looks over at Jamie laughing with Jackie, Sharpy says, “It's been a bit since Jamie seemed this happy and at ease. He's usually so tense.”

Tyler smiles and Val adds, “He's good. He likes you. Make him smile. He much less…. On edge?”

Sharpy nods at Val.

“Don't make him sad. Don't hurt, no?”

Tyler looks at Val carefully and says, “I wont.”

“Better not, Seggy,” Sharpy says, but there's not much heat behind it.

Probably because he can see how head over heels Tyler is.

Not like that's difficult.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments & kudos, lovelies!


	8. Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey,” he grins that dizzying grin at Jamie.
> 
> “Hi….” Jamie smiles. “H-How was your last day with your mom?”
> 
> “Great. Really great.”
> 
> “Great,” Jamie nods awkwardly.
> 
> There's a small silence.
> 
> “You look good…” Tyler says, eyes trailing down Jamie's chest.
> 
> Shit, he can't do this.
> 
> Jamie coughs and says, “Thanks. So do you… I, um…. I need to use the bathroom. I'll be right back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this has taken forever, I had to scramble to find a place to live and move then start a new job all in the same week and it's still not exactly calmed down since, my job is exhausting af but its good, so hey...
> 
> Anyway.
> 
>  
> 
> Some more sad stuff in Jamie's past is revealed here, the team is a bunch of sweethearts, Tyler’s all sweet and understanding.
> 
>  
> 
> Thanks for beta-ing, burningavenues!
> 
> Regardless of how awesome and helpful you've been, I'm fuckin lazy when I do get a chance to do anything with this lately, so I honestly might just go unbeta'd again.
> 
> Only a few more chapters! One is mostly finished, started the next!

**Chapter 7**

_I hide everything that's going on inside. Guess it's been a while since I've been honest, I need help, but I deny it and even lie to myself like I'm fine._

 

 

Jamie has his third beer in his hand and he's thinking about going over and flopping into the pool.

His shirt is stuck to him. His basketball shorts are not thin enough.

_When did it get so fucking hot? Why is NYC an actual oven in the summer?_

Jamie swallows hard and looks around, spotting a cooler and grabbing a bottle of water out of it.

He looks over at Fidds who is in shorts and a tank, with sunglasses and what looks like his mom's sun hat.

“What are the signs of heat stroke?” he asks and Fidds laughs. “It's so fucking hot.”

“I know man, hottest day so far.”

“I feel like I'm dying…..”

Fidds shakes his head and says, “So where's your boy, eh?”

“Work and then finishing up paperwork about his apartment. He gets to go back home tomorrow they said.”

“Good. He'll have to bring Marshall around for us still. We'll miss his pup.”

Jamie chuckles and scratches behind the Lab’s ears.

“He's gonna be here though?”

Jamie nods, sipping his beer.

Something hits his back like ice and he feels more relieved than anything.

He turns to see Rous and Eaks with water guns, ducking back down behind the shrubs.

Spezza is suddenly in front of Jamie, holding out a water gun for him.

“Looks like you're on my team, Benn.”

“I'm not five,” Jamie says, but he's grinning.

“Shut up and play, Cap.”

At least getting sprayed with water means he will feel cooler.

After a while, he gives up and yanks his shirt off.

_These guys know and Tyler isn't here yet. It's fine._

Rous wolf whistles at him and he rolls his eyes.

“All that gym time paid off, Cap,” Eaks yells.

“Oh my god,” he mutters.

He sneaks around the Sharp daughters’ castle and leans over to peek around, grinning as he sees Rous and Eaks crouched behind a shrub, backs exposed to Jamie.

He motions to Spezza who joins him and he sees Eaks peek over the shrub trying to see where they went.

They sneak out from behind the plastic castle and shoot relentlessly at Rous and Eaks who yell and start firing back.

Marshall jumps between them, nipping at streams of water and Eaks just starts shooting at Marshall, who tries to eat the water as it comes at him. Spezza joins from the other side and they're giggling as Marshall jumps around, Shooter getting in on the action.

Jamie shakes his head, handing his water gun off to Spezza, and goes to grab another beer, but on his way, sees Fidds on an inflatable raft in the pool in the goofy sun hat and he can't resist the urge.

He jumps in, landing right next to Fidds, spraying him.

This begins a pool splash fight between 8 grown men and both dogs wind up jumping in and swimming around.

After a while, the splashing calms down and Jamie is sitting on the edge of the pool with Spezza, legs in the water, talking when Spezza looks over his shoulder and yells, “Hey, Segs!”

Jamie turns and catches sight of Tyler in shorts, a tank, sunglasses, and a snapback, carrying two bags.

_Jesus fucking christ, he looks so fucking good._

Jamie smiles and licks his lips a little as his eyes trail up Tyler’s inked arms, muscles flexing as he hands over the bags, presumably with food and beer, to Sharpy.

Marshall sees his daddy and swims toward the edge of the pool, barking, climbing out and shaking out on everyone, happily jumping on Tyler who kneels and pets him.

Then Jamie realizes with slight panic that his shirt is laying on the chair behind Tyler.

But it's too late because Sharpy is pointing in Jamie's direction and he can't hide.

He waves weakly at Tyler and Spezza looks at him, knowing.

“Want me to grab your shirt, Cap?” he murmurs.

“It's… it's fine, Spezz. Thanks, though….” Jamie says, running a hand over the worst scar on his ribs.

They both stand up when Tyler approaches them, pushing his sunglasses up on top of his head, and Spezza bro hugs him before saying something about beer and walks off.

Jamie looks awkwardly after him and Tyler smiles, stepping in and settling his hands on Jamie's hips, pressing a kiss to his lips.

“Hey,” he grins that dizzying grin at Jamie.

“Hi….” Jamie smiles. “H-How was your last day with your mom?”

“Great. Really great.”

“Great,” Jamie nods awkwardly.

There's a small silence.

“You look **good** …” Tyler says, eyes trailing down Jamie's chest.

Shit, he can't do this.

Jamie coughs and says, “Thanks. So do you… I, um…. I need to use the bathroom. I'll be right back.”

Tyler nods, smile faltering because there's no way he didn't catch that awkwardness.

Jamie grabs his shirt out of Spezza’s hand as he holds it out and ducks into the house quickly, Sharpy and Hems giving him looks that seem an awful lot like pity.

_Fuck them._

He leans against the bathroom door and shakily exhales.

_God, why can't you fucking get over it? It wasn't your fault. And it's not that big of a deal. Of course you have scars. Tyler doesn't care. He said you look good._

_It wasn't your fault. It wasn't your fault. It wasn't-_

There's a knock on the door.

“Jamie?”

Of course it's Tyler.

“Yep?” he chokes out.

“Are you okay?”

“Yep.”

He yanks the door open and comes out, not meeting Tyler’s eyes.

“Aw, no more of that good view?” Tyler says, tugging at Jamie's shirt hem.

Jamie chews his lip and Tyler steps close, wrapping his arms around Jamie and nosing under Jamie's chin till he lifts his head to meet Tyler’s eyes.

“It's the scars?” he asks quietly.

Jamie nods, chewing his lip harder.

“They honestly don't distract from how fucking good you look, Jamie,” Tyler says, smiling wide.

Jamie looks down and Tyler kisses his forehead.

“What are they from?” Tyler asks so quietly, lips against Jamie's temple.

“I, um… I fell. Through two floors. The floor gave under me while I was carrying a girl out of the third floor of this place in Brooklyn…. Two years ago.”

“Jesus,” Tyler breathes.

“She didn't make it,” Jamie says, sounding like he's punches the words out.

“Oh… Oh, fuck, Jamie… I'm so sorry,” Tyler says, squeezing Jamie close and tight.

“Yeah,” his voice sounds strangled in his throat and he clears it. “She wasn't conscious when I found her. But she was breathing. I shouldn't have stepped where I did. She might have lived if I didn't-”

“Stop,” Tyler barks.

He pulls back and looks at Jamie, forcing his head up to lock their eyes.

“Stop. You can't do that to yourself, Jamie.”

Jamie shakes his head and chokes out, “Her spine broke in the fall. She- she would have lived-”

“Jamie, stop that!”

“She was 12. She-”

Tyler clamps his hand hard over Jamie's mouth.

Jamie meets Tyler’s eyes again and sees they're a little wet.

What do you know? Jamie's got tears running down his face.

“It's not your fault, Jamie. It's not. If you hadn't tried to save her, she would have died in the fire. You fucking tried. You went into a collapsing, burning building for her.”

He tips his head against Jamie's and Jamie feels his eyes slip shut as he nods.

Tyler is right. He knows that. Everyone has told him this. They're right, but Jamie can't stop feeling guilty.

From behind Tyler, they hear, “You almost died, too, Jame.”

Tyler and Jamie's heads snap up, Tyler drops his hand, and they look over to see Spezza, Fidds, and Rous.

“If Fidds and I hadn't found you laying there unconscious. You…” Spezza swallows. “You would have died too.”

Tyler steps back a little, looking at Jamie, who looks down, swallowing hard and nods.

“I know,” he barely hears himself say.

Arms come around him, shoulder bumping his chin and he lifts his head over Spezza's shoulder and wraps his arms around him too.

“You scared us. All that blood...”

“I know, Jason...”

“No, you don't. You were unconscious. Then in surgery for several hours, where your heart stopped. Then you woke up a day and a half later cleaned up and safe in a sterile hospital room. Not even a year after… We almost lost you too. We actually did for a few seconds, Jamie...”

More arms are wrapping around him, and Jamie looks up to see Fidds wrapping around them both.

“Stop hating yourself for her not making it. Tyler is right and you fucking know that,” Spezza says in his ear.

Jamie looks up to see Tyler and Rous standing to the side.

Tyler gives Jamie a small smile, tears in his eyes.

Spezza's shaky exhale in his ear gets him and his eyes pinch shut as he grips Spezza tighter, burying his face in his shoulder.

“It's been a rough couple of years, but you know we're all here and we love you, Jame,” Fidds says.

“We're family,” Rous says softly.

Jamie muffles a small sob against Spezza's shoulder, nodding, and someone is petting his hair.

There's a voice whispering French into his ear and he realizes it's Rous petting his hair.

“Wha- The scars?” he hears someone quietly say.

Jamie looks up to see Tyler nod at Morrow and Pevs, who are standing in the doorway to the hall.

Tyler shifts his weight and looks back to meet Jamie's eyes.

Morrow and Pevs get in on the hug, Pevs kind of crushing Jamie and Rous.

“This is the grossest, smelliest group hug ever,” Fidds finally mumbles and everyone cracks up, Spezza's shirt getting in Jamie's mouth as he laughs through his tears, but he can't even care.

_Family._

They finally untangle and Spezza grips Jamie's shoulders hard shaking him gently as their eyes lock and Jamie nods.

Spezza gently knocks their foreheads together and lightly pats Jamie's cheek before moving away, wiping his face, Jamie wiping his own.

“Let's go enjoy this barbecue, loser,” he says, hooking an arm around Jamie's neck roughly, messing his hair up.

Jamie's reminded too much of Jordie and he smiles weakly, knowing that's why Spezza does it.

His brother isn't dead, he's alive in each of his teammates.

Everyone starts heading back out and Jamie feels a hand squeeze his.

He meets Tyler’s eyes and tries a smile.

“That was fucking precious,” Tyler says quietly and sincerely.

“I don't know what it would have been like if I didn't have these guys. My parents and my sister, they- they're so…. But they don't know what it was like firsthand. And I… I don't tell them about stuff. I don't want them to worry. But these guys…. They know. I don't have to tell them. They know. And they understand and…. They're the support I need but don't want to burden anyone for and I never have to ask them. They're just…” Jamie exhales shakily. “It's different.”

Tyler nods.

“I didn't know you died…”

Jamie sighs and says, “Well, it's not really something that's easy to tell people… I mean, when is the time to bring it up? Like how far along in a relationship do you break that news?”

“I-I didn't mean-”

“No, Tyler… I- It's okay. I know. I just… It's rough, you know?”

“I mean… No?” Tyler grins.

“Smartass.”

Tyler smiles and then gently says, “But seriously… I can imagine that's not easy to tell people.”

Jamie nods, looking down and Tyler steps close to him, putting his hands on Jamie's shoulders, pressing a kiss to his lips.

Eventually, they head back outside and eat.

Jamie watches Tyler talking and joking with the boys, fitting in with them so well, and it makes his heart swell at the sight.

Two hours later, Jamie's sitting with Pevs and Spezza, watching Tyler and Val playing tag with Sharpy’s daughters and petting Shooter and Marshall, who have both pretty much claimed Jamie's legs as their bed, making him even hotter than he already felt.

At least the sun is going down now so maybe it will cool off.

Tyler laughs and lets Sadie tackle him.

Everything he's found out about Jamie, and Tyler is still here.

He still _wants_ to be here. It's not too much. Jamie and his baggage…. It's not too much to Tyler.

Not only is it not scaring Tyler off, he _wants_ to be here. It doesn't seem to be difficult for him either.

He's so casual and relaxed.

It hits Jamie, then- being with Tyler is easy for Jamie.

Maybe being with Jamie is easy for Tyler too.

Maybe someone doesn't find Jamie difficult.

“Dude, are you even listening?” Spezza laughs, waving his hand in front of Jamie's face.

Jamie turns to him and says, “What? Sorry, I was, uh-”

“Yeah, yeah. Too busy ogling your boy.”

Jamie blushes and shrugs.

“Not sorry.”

Spezza rolls his eyes and says, “I asked if you wanted to invite him to play with us on the 21st.

“Oh, shit. Yes. God, you should see him on the ice, Spezz. He's incredible. Fast as hell and-”

“I _know_. You told me. A lot.”

Pevs laughs and Jamie glares at them a little.

“Well, he is, man. Wait til you see. You'll understand why I gush.”

“Fair enough.”

Pevs smiles at Jamie and says, “I'm glad you're happy and it turns out he is actually really great and, I mean…. He seems really genuine and nice. He's a cool guy. Bonus that we all like him, huh?”

Jamie nods.

“It really is. I'm glad it's not just me tripping up over some guy and getting into him when he's not really that great but I'm the only one who can't see it.”

“That's kind of what we were all worried about honestly,” Spezza says. “Like, he made you so happy and you talked about how great he was, but we were all a bit worried that it was gonna be…. Well. You especially deserve a good person, Jamie. And we're all pretty defensive when it comes to you. People have treated you shitty and taken you for granted before.”

“That guy Alex?” Pevs adds.

“Who Jordie beat the shit out of?” Spezza says, looking at Pevs.

“Rightfully so.”

“Yeah, I mean. We know I can fight my own battles and take care of myself when it comes to that, but…. I wouldn't say I minded that Jordie decided to… stick up for me…..” Jamie smiles fondly.

“He was always ready to fight anyone who wronged you.”

“Yeah. He knew you probably were a better fighter, though he'd have never admitted it. But nothing fueled him to fight more than defending you.”

Jamie looked down at his hands as he pet the dogs, and mumbles, “I know… He-...”

“He and Daddy. They'd have killed someone over you if they'd had to.”

It's true.

Jason once saw a guy coming on to Jamie a little aggressively at a bar and grabbed the guy by the throat.

Jamie clearly didn't need defending. Physically.

But, as Jason had told him on the fire escape landing later after they'd been kicked out of the bar and went to his apartment, ‘it wasn't about that’.

“You're like a baby brother to me, too,” Jason had said, looking inside at where Jordie was passed out on the couch. He looked back at Jamie, adding, “And nobody gets to fuck with a guy who is probably one of the nicest, most wonderful people I've ever met.”

Jamie had smiled sheepishly, but looked at Jason, saying with all sincerity, “Thanks, Daddy. That means a lot.”

Rous picks that moment to come over and flop down next to Jamie, petting Marshall and saying, “I am not drunk enough for this heat.”

Spezza laughs and says, “You're French. You sweat all the booze out faster than you can consume it.”

Rous points at Spezza and nods, both eyebrows shooting up and says, “True. Very true.”

Tyler comes over, sitting down, breathless and sighs, leaning over until he's laying in Jamie’s lap, petting Marshall and letting Shooter lick his fingers.

“Great, another overgrown puppy on my already too-warm body,” Jamie grins.

Tyler smiles up at him and swats him playfully.

“Those girls don't seem to ever run out of steam. How does Sharpy keep up?”

Jamie looks toward the girls running around with Eaks and Klinger. Val is laying in the grass looking worn out.

Kari sits down next to him, laughing at him, and Val flips him off tiredly.

“Val is awesome, by the way,” Tyler continues.

“He is,” Jamie agrees.

“He's one of the best people I've ever met,” Pevs says.

“Daddy would have liked him a lot, ya know?” Jamie says and Spezza and Pevs agree.

Tyler sits up and says, “I meant to ask; Daddy? You mentioned him when you talked about your brother, but that really wasn't the time.”

“Jason Demers. Jordie's best friend and kind of like another brother to him and to me.”

Tyler nods and Spezza says, “Val, Eaks, Klinger, and Sharpy weren't on the team yet, so they didn't get a chance to know them. And Rous here was still a rookie.”

“Well, Jordie, Goose, and I knew Sharpy a little. We had met him a few years before and bumped into him at stuff for mutual friends over a few years,” Jamie says.

“Goose?” Tyler says, smiling.

They start in telling Tyler about everyone on the team, past and present, explaining nicknames and telling stories and Jamie's heart swells at how genuinely interested Tyler is.

He's invested in Jamie, but also the people and things that matter to Jamie.

Jamie still feels a little terrified, but he's pretty reassured every time Tyler does or says anything.

He is pretty transparent and what Jamie sees is as good, or better, than he could have ever hoped for.


	9. Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie pins Tyler against the door, stopping his words with his mouth crashing against Tyler’s.
> 
> Tyler's hands scramble across Jamie's sides and back before he starts trying to work the underwear off of him.
> 
>  
> 
> SEXY TIMES

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Son of a bitch this is a long chapter....
> 
> You're welcome?
> 
> OTHER NHL PLAYERS! *FLAILS*
> 
> Un-beta'd, because I'm trash.

**Chapter 8**

 

_To see even a glimmer of hope in the darkness_

 

 

When Jamie picks Tyler up, he comes up to his door.

Tyler melts a bit at the fact that Jamie finds it important enough to be a gentleman that he comes up 4 flights (elevator is broken) to his door.

Jamie smiles when Tyler opens the door and lets him in.

He kisses Tyler sweetly and stands patiently as Tyler finishes cramming stuff into his bag and puts his shoes on, finding his keys and looking around to make sure he has everything.

Jamie kneels down and pets Marshall happily and Tyler sneakily snaps a picture on his phone.

Tyler makes sure Marshall has food and water, and that the window is cracked before petting and kissing him, then following Jamie out the door.

“Weird being here now?” Tyler asks as Jamie looks around, eyes on the still taped-off door to apartment 6 on the third floor.

“A little. I talked to the guys who did post here though. The day you got released from the hospital. Nothing in there was damaged enough for you to be concerned with structural safety… They probably told you that.”

Tyler nods, smiling.

“What made you want to be a firefighter?” Tyler suddenly asks.

“I don't know, honestly. I don't have a cool story about it, sorry,” Jamie laughs. “When I was 14, I thought, ‘I want to help people. I want to be the reason someone feels relieved in a scary situation. Be a calm for them… Solution to an immediate problem. Just… Help. When they feel helpless. I guess there are probably a lot of ways to do that. But I guess this was something I was sure I could do? I'm pretty strong. I can maintain under stress and can keep people on point. I can…. Take the stress out and just focus on what's needed. Problem solve in the moment and adjust well enough if things don't go how I planned them from the start…”

They've gotten to the street, but stopped as Tyler watched Jamie talk.

Tyler nods and says, “That's the best possible answer. Not, ‘well, my dad was’ or ‘I wanted to as a kid’ or ‘I was in a fire and never wanted anyone else to feel that helpless’. You're like Batman. Bruce Wayne. He didn't have anything that made it obvious he needed to do that. It wasn't laid out in front of him. He made that choice to help people his own way.”

Jamie laughs and says, “Yeah, but his parents were victims of violent crimes.”

_Shit. He's right._

Tyler rolls his eyes and says, “Alright, fine. You're cooler than Batman, jeeze,” he drops his voice to playfully mumble, “Fishing for compliments.”

Jamie laughs broadly and says, “Just making a point.”

They drive to the rink, stopping for smoothies on the way and sing badly to the radio, laughing at each other the whole time.

They get there before everyone except Pevs, Rous, and Fidds, who are already getting changed in the locker room.

As Tyler is taking off his shoes, he feels something soft hit his back sharply and he whirls around to see Rous grinning.

He quirks an eyebrow and looks down to see what it was, spying a tape ball.

Looking back at Rous, Tyler sees a few tape balls at the ready on the bench.

He grins and picks up the one at his feet, tossing it back at Rous as he is aiming to hit Jamie.

It hits Rous in the chest and he laughs, pegging Jamie in the back of the head as Spezza, Hems, Sharpy, and Val walk in.

Tyler and Rous kind of wind up having a small tape battle and Jamie says, “Alright children,” but he is smiling fondly.

Rous drapes an arm around Tyler's shoulders and says, “I like this one, he's fun.”

Tyler laughs and looks from Rous to Jamie, eyebrow raising.

“Uh, ‘this one’?” he asks Jamie.

Jamie opens his mouth to protest, but Rous jumps in, saying, “Not like that, Seggy. I mean, come on, does Jamie seem like he gets around a lot?”

Jamie presses his lips back together and they thin out into a frown.

“Well, no. But he's picky,” Tyler says, looking at Rous evenly.

He sees Jamie watching him carefully out of his periphery.

“So, I mean, I feel pretty special, I guess,” he says, meeting Jamie's eyes again, smiling slowly.

Jamie shyly smiles back.

“Ugh,” Rous huffs, shaking loose from the arm Tyler had thrown around him in return. “You guys are gross saps.”

Rous walks off, leaving Tyler smiling at Jamie who is looking down, biting his lip, but smiling.

Tyler steps back to the stall and tugs his shirt and jeans off, definitely noticing how Jamie looks at him.

Tyler grins, glad he started working out regularly again.

He takes his sweet time getting in gear and intentionally makes eye contact with Jamie as he watches Tyler a few times, waggling his eyebrows once as his tongue catches between his teeth in a grin.

He's pretty certain that Jamie couldn't blush more.

He definitely makes some obvious eyes back at Jamie, especially getting a good look at those thighs.

_Jesus fucking christ. How am I supposed to handle that?_

They finish up and everyone sits in their stalls, so Tyler sits too.

After a second, Jamie steps into the center of the room and sniffs before saying, “Hey boys. Thanks for inviting Tyler to join us,” he pauses for some whooping and tape balls being hurled Tyler's direction. “So, Tyler, you may not have met a few of these fellas,” Jamie motions toward four guys. “Brandon Bollig, he's from precinct 8” he points at the dark-haired, bearded dude.

Brandon stands, leaning to shake Tyler’s hand, revealing some tattoos, and says, “Or you can call me, Boller.”

“Segs. Or Seggy. Whichever.”

Boller nods and sits back down, smiling a kind of ridiculously great smile.

“This is Patrice Bergeron, from 7.”

_Wow, are all of these guys attractive?_

“Bergy. Good to meet you,” Patrice shakes his hand, smiling.

“You too,” Tyler smiles.

“This is P.K. Subban, also 7.”

_Yep. All good-looking guys here- wow, this guy's smile is fucking cute._

“Subby, if you like.”

“Cool, good to meet you,” Tyler says, smiling as he shakes P.K.’s hand.

“And this ankle-bitter is Andrew Shaw, 8 also.”

“Or Shawzy or Mutt,” this scrappy kid says, shaking Tyler's hand and, okay, this kid is gonna vibrate out of his skin.

“Or little shit,” Boller chimes in, grinning.

Shawzy flips him off and grins goofily before turning back to Tyler to say, “He's justified, there, I guess.”

Rous laughs loudly, saying, “More than.”

Tyler sees Jamie fondly roll his eyes and Shawzy claps Tyler's shoulder, saying, “Great to meet you, man. Benny doesn't shut up about you.”

Tyler smiles, saying, “Oh?”

Shawzy starts to say something, but Boller’s hands settle on Shawzy’s shoulders, tugging him away as he says, “Yeah, but this one doesn't shut up period.”

Jamie smiles, blush subsiding, and says, “Thank you, Boller.”

Boller playfully salutes and hooks an arm around the back of Shawzy’s neck.

“So, teams and captains,” Jamie starts.

Bergy stands and walks over to stand beside Jamie.

Jamie looks around, asking, “Is this still good?”

There's a round of nods and various agreeing words before Jamie motions at Bergy.

“Okay, so. My team,” Bergy says, holding up a piece of paper. “Eaks, Colton, Rous, Subby, Sharpy, Boller, and Raanta in net… when he gets here….”

“He says he's parking now,” Shawzy says, waving his phone.

Bergy nods and motions to Jamie.

Jamie says, “My team, we got Spezza, Fidds, Val, Klinger, Shawzy, Tyler, and Kari in the pipes.”

“Everyone good?” Bergy asks, looking around the room.

There's a bunch of noises that sound like overall agreement and a tall blonde with bright eyes and a totally adorable smile hurries into the room.

“Sorry. Traffic?” he says in a thick accent to Bergy.

“No worries, Raanta,” Bergy says, smiling helplessly at the blonde.

Raanta looks like the type who you'd never be able to be mad at.

His bright blue eyes meet Tyler’s and if the term ‘lights up’ ever applied to anyone's face, it's here, Tyler is certain.

“Hi! I'm Antti!” He says brightly, thrusting a hand out to Tyler. “You are Tyler?”

Tyler melts at how he looks hopefully at him, then to Jamie.

“I am. It's great to meet you,” Tyler says, shaking his hand.

“Do you have other name to call? Nickname?” Antti asks happily.

“You can call me Seggy,” Tyler says, pretty sure his smile is as hopeless as Bergy’s.

“Seggy! Good! Very good to meet you!”

Antti continues smiling at Tyler, but starts pulling his goalie gear out of his bag.

He finally breaks eye contact to start changing and Tyler looks at Jamie who's covering his mouth a little, smiling.

Tyler stands and steps toward him, quietly saying, “Jesus, he's an actual ray of sunshine.”

“God, right?!” Jamie laughs.

“Shit. Should have warned me….”

Jamie laughs again and says, “Sorry. He's an ambulance driver. Absolutely as sweet as you'd think.”

Once everyone is ready, they head out too the ice and warm up quickly.

Tyler decides it's pretty safe to say this whole group of guys are the biggest clowns.

They start playing and it's fast and fun from the start and Tyler is pretty sure this is what he's been missing in his life for the past 7 years.

After every play, everyone is breathlessly laughing and playfully punching each other.

The cellies are all big hugs and yelling in each other's faces.

A particularly fantastic moment comes when Tyler gets up to the net as Val gets a beauty breakaway, passing it ahead nearly 30 feet flawlessly to Jamie, who speeds toward Antti and Tyler doesn't even have to think before he's winding up to shoot when the puck is sliding in front of him from Jamie, and it just sails past Antti’s right shoulder.

Tyler goofily throws both hands up, nearly falling on his ass at the weird angle his feet are at and he can hear Jamie's goofy laugh and is suddenly wrapped up in the captain’s arms, helmets pressed together as Jamie is grinning and yelling praise in his face.

Val and Spezza skate up, joining the celly and patting Tyler's head.

It's a great game and from that moment on, Tyler feels faster, lighter, and more aware of how connected he seems to be to Jamie. He can just feel where Jamie is, he doesn't have to look.

At one point, Jamie is skating up behind Tyler, passes ahead to him, and Tyler doesn't even see the puck coming before he's catching it on his tape and passing it ahead to Shawzy, who tips it in the net.

Tyler gets why they call Shawzy ‘Mutt’ right away.

Shawzy jumps on Tyler, shouting and smiling, and Tyler is wondering how this kid is even managing to stay upright. He definitely should have fallen down by now.

He's pretty much a human puppy and it turns out, he really doesn't stop talking, usually yapping at people to throw them off and get under their skin.

Boller calls it ‘barking’ and pats Shawzy's head, or tells him to heel.

“Down, Mutt,” definitely comes out of Boller’s mouth once or twice as he's gripping the back of Shawzy’s neck, pulling him out of Boller’s face anytime they start to check or rough each other up, which is often.

Tyler's watching them at one point, laughing, and Jamie is suddenly next to him, saying, “They're pretty cute, eh?”

He looks at Jamie in surprise and says, “They're genuinely together?”

Jamie nods and smiles.

“God,” Tyler looks back at them and says, “That is fucking cute.”

Jamie smiles and leans closer so Tyler leans against him, tapping his glove against the inside of Jamie's forearm.

They end up winning after a ridiculous goal from Jamie which started with him falling on top of the puck and skidding around, kicking the puck to his stick as he stood up and then weaving between Eaks, Sharpy, and Colton to drive the puck into the back of the net top shelf and Tyler is just a bit stunned at the entire thing.

And maybe finds it to be a bit of of a turn on. Or a lot.

Tyler skates into Jamie, wrapping him up on his arms, spinning and yelling happily, soon piled on by Val, Klinger, and Shawzy who are also yelling incredulously about the play.

Once everyone is showered and changed, Sharpy insists they all go out.

“Losing team is buying the first round, though,” Shawzy says, pointing at Sharpy.

“Fair enough, but your boyfriend was gonna buy yours anyway, so….” Sharpy smirks, looking to Boller, who hooks an arm around Shawzy’s shoulders, drawing him close.

“Just his first one.”

Shawzy feigns outrage and pouts at Boller who grins and says, “Or, like… the first three.”

Shawzy smiles up at him and Tyler can't help the warmth he feels at the sight.

Sharpy smiles and goes to pick his bag up.

Then an arm snakes around Tyler’s waist and he looks down to see tattoos.

Leaning back, he's met with Jamie's solid chest and his heart swells as his hands loosely grip Jamie's arm.

“Y’all are too fucking cute,” P.K. says, walking past the four of them.

“I'm definitely cutest, though,” Shawzy smirks, wiggling in Boller’s arms.

“Definitely,” Boller mumbles, kissing Shawzy’s temple before looking up at Jamie and Tyler, adding, “Sorry.”

Tyler sees Jamie shake his head and he turns to him, meeting those big, dark eyes, saying, “Absolute lies.”

Jamie blushes and Sharpy yells out that they're leaving, and leads the way out the door, everyone slowly following.

20 minutes later, Tyler is sure he hasn't stopped laughing for a long enough time now that his lungs are crying for oxygen, but, well, P.K. is hilarious.

He's snuggled up close to Jamie in the booth at the bar they're at, and he's only had one beer, but he feels blissfully smiley and is getting more physically affectionate by the second.

Tyler knows he has always been a handsy drunk, but he's not drunk yet and well, Jamie doesn't seem to mind Tyler’s need to be pressed to his side, both hands lacing fingers with his, and keep his head tucked against Jamie's collarbone.

Jamie seems to be pretty pleased by all of this, actually, and Tyler is willing to bet Jamie has a bit of a possessive streak, which… That honestly is a bit hot, as far as Tyler is concerned.

His laughter finally subsides and he's clutching the front of Jamie's shirt with one hand.

Jamie's loose hand is at Tyler’s hip, thumb rubbing circles against his skin just up under his t shirt.

The moment Tyler notices this movement, arousal zips up and down his spine and he squirms against Jamie.

_Please, don't let me be imagining shit._

P.K. catches sight of Tyler’s phone background- Jamie and Marshall looking up at the screen- and ribs him for it, but Tyler has no shame.

Jamie looks at it and says, “You made it your background?”

“I told you I was going to. It's fucking cute.”

Jamie's eyes get somehow darker, and he smiles wide.

The moment attention is off of the two of them enough, a full round of drinks later, Tyler thinks he needs to make a move or say something because Jamie is still just rubbing his hip under his shirt, but the movement feels slower and more intentional now. Jamie is also pressing down harder than before now.

Giving the idea to Tyler’s brain that maybe it's an unconscious indicator of Jamie wanting to be pressing his thumb and fingers into the skin of Tyler’s hips for another reason.

Which Tyler can absolutely get behind that idea. But, Jamie _had_ wanted to take things slower and maybe he should really be the one making a move here, not Tyler.

Maybe this was his timid idea of a move. He's a bit shy, so it is possible to believe that he might have decided that this is what he'd do and then the ball is in Tyler’s court, this is what he's doing til Tyler either moves from there or stops him. Or at least it sure seems that way.

Tyler runs his free hand from Jamie's forearm to his thigh, gently running his hand up and down, remembering the sight of Jamie's thick thighs and he has to swallow at how dry his throat is.

His hand stops high up, fingers curling in just slightly, digging into Jamie's inner thigh gently.

Jamie's breath against his scalp lets Tyler know that he's definitely just gasped a little.

Tyler stops and stays still for a moment before pulling himself upright to look at Jamie in the eyes and very quietly ask if he wants to leave.

Jamie is staring into Tyler’s eyes in a way that makes Tyler feel unsure about standing up on his weak legs, but when Jamie nods slowly, Tyler realizes he's gonna have to.

Jamie digs out cash, but Rous smacks his shoulder and says, “I got you both. Go,” and makes a shooting motion with his hands while grinning.

They slip out of the booth, saying their goodnights and roll their eyes at the wolf whistles.

The ride in Jamie's truck is quiet and Tyler spends it running his fingers gently up and down Jamie's arm.

Tyler realizes they're going back to his place and looks up at Jamie, quickly saying, “Can we go to yours?”

Jamie looks over at him, dark eyes still devouring Tyler, and nods, turning the wheel to shift into the turn lane slightly. Nobody else is at the light anyway.

“I've never seen where you live,” Tyler says, filling the silence.

Jamie looks so intense and he's so quiet, but he keeps looking at Tyler like he's hungry and Tyler is the only possible sustenance that could fully satiate that.

Tyler thinks if he weren't so hopelessly head over heels for Jamie, he might be nervous, like maybe Jamie is actually going to murder Tyler and chop his body into tiny bits.

But then, just as Tyler is running his fingernails across the back of Jamie's hand, Jamie turns it to lace their fingers together, rubbing Tyler’s hand gently with his thumb.

“Tyler,” Jamie says quietly.

Tyler thinks Jamie had every intention of continuing, but just couldn't decide what to say, so at the next light, Tyler leans across to kiss Jamie's neck under his ear before softly saying, “What is it, Jamie?”

Jamie shudders out a breath and finally says, “I've been nervous about doing this but you make me... feel good. Safe. And I- I just-...”

Tyler pulls back a bit and waits.

“Thank you,” Jamie says, looking right into Tyler’s eyes.

Tyler stares back and says, “Of course, Jamie.”

Any nervousness or reservations they had go out the window the moment Jamie's apartment door shuts and Jamie crowds Tyler up against the wall next to the door, pressing against his body with as much of his own as physically possible while still kissing him, one hand tangling in Tyler’s hair, the other inching up under Tyler's shirt.

Jamie breaks the kiss, breathing against Tyler’s lips as he says, “God, playing with you today was fucking incredible. You're so fast and- your stick-handling… Jesus.”

“Makes you wonder what other kind of stick-handling I'm good at…..” Tyler quirks his eyebrows and smirks at Jamie the moment his eyes snap open, and, instead of rolling his eyes like Tyler expected, he grins- which, with his head tilted down and his eyes dark and hungry, it's just the most unbelievably sexy thing Tyler’s seen.

“Can't wait to find out,” Jamie growls and, shit, okay, Tyler is so not in control here, which is what he was kind of expecting since Jamie is usually so quiet and blushy and reserved. But not now.

Tyler is more than happy to give in, though, internally squealing at the idea of dominant Jamie.

Jamie getting possessive and assertive and physically moving Tyler where he wants him. Jamie making Tyler beg and pinning him to the bed. Jamie being carnal and hungry.

Tyler is so down to be submissive for Jamie.

He's not usually interested in that side of the table, but Jamie is bringing out a serious need to kneel and be praised by Jamie’s gentle voice for being a good boy for Jamie.

His train of thought is tipped off the tracks by Jamie pressing their hips flush again as he laces his hands behind Tyler’s back, holding him tight with his big, strong hands, kissing wet and messy under Tyler’s jaw.

Tyler hooks his arms up under Jamie's, hands around Jamie’s biceps like clamps, letting out a soft moan at the overload of feeling the strong muscles move under his fingers, teeth and tongue and plump lips on his pulse, and the growing bulge in Jamie's pants rubbing against his own.

“Fuck… Oh, J-Jamie....” Tyler sputters, running his hands up and down and Jamie pushes Tyler against him in a slow rhythm, making Tyler grind against him, but not even moving his own hips.

“Mmm, you sound so good, Ty… My name has never sounded better…” Jamie mumbles against Tyler’s neck.

His fingers slip under the hem of Tyler’s shirt, tugging it up and Tyler lifts his arms so the garment can be pulled over his head.

Jamie's hands are all over his chest and stomach.

“Jesus, look at you… You know how fucking good you look right?” Jamie smiles lazily, kissing Tyler’s chest in between each word.

When Tyler doesn't respond, too busy gasping at how much Jamie does in each kiss- a bit of teeth or tongue or sucking- Jamie meets his eyes, squeezing Tyler’s hips roughly.

Tyler looks into his eyes and says, “I feel like I look better now. You make me feel like I'm the most attractive person… The way you look at me….”

Jamie licks his lips and says, “Good.”

He starts working on Tyler’s belt and pants, kissing his neck as he does and Tyler feels like he can't catch his breath.

Jamie presses their bodies back together, rolling his hips against Tyler’s and slipping his hands down into the back of Tyler’s pants and boxer briefs, grabbing two big handfuls of butt and squeezing, pushing Tyler’s hips forward even harder.

He moans into Jamie's mouth and grabs fistfuls of Jamie's shirt, frowning at the material.

Tyler's fingers slip under the hem of Jamie’s shirt and he slips it up, hesitantly, but Jamie breaks the kiss to yank it off and toss it away.

Tyler starts to go for Jamie's pants, but Jamie is suddenly too far and Tyler realizes that Jamie has dropped down to his knees.

His head thumps against the wall as Jamie leaves feather-light kisses all over Tyler’s abs and lower stomach, making his way south and tugging the pants down.

Tyler kicks his shoes and pants off and moans as Jamie nips at his skin right above his waistband.

His hands thread through Jamie's hair and he looks down at him as the older man's fingers start tugging his underwear down.

Jamie is a fan of teasing, as it turns out. He ghosts his breath across the length of Tyler’s shaft before flicking his tongue across the tip, swirling around before sucking just the head into his lips, sucking gently as his fingers stroke behind his balls.

He spends a few moments sucking the tip, licking down the underside to the base, then back up to suck at the tip again, painfully slow.

Tyler's grip in Jamie's hair tightens when he begins to suck harder and he finally slides his lips down to the base slowly, but sucking hard the whole way.

Tyler tries to watch as Jamie is bobbing up and down on his dick, in awe at the sight, but it so hard to keep his eyes open when Jamie keeps doing these amazing things with his tongue.

Jamie grabs Tyler’s butt again and forces Tyler’s hips forward roughly, moaning around Tyler, sending vibrations up his spine.

“Oh, fuck, Jamie…”

Jamie moans louder, causing Tyler’s hips to jerk right as Jamie is moving his lips back down.

He pulls back and off, both hands pinning Tyler’s hips to the wall.

“Fuck, sorry,” Tyler says, dropping to his knees in front of Jamie.

Jamie just wipes the back of his hand across his lips and smiles.

Tyler leans in, catching Jamie's lips in a deep kiss.

Once Tyler breaks the kiss, he mumbles against Jamie's lips, “Mm, Captain, please let me suck your dick,” while palming the bulge in Jamie's pants.

“Fuck,” Jamie breathes out, hands going to his jeans button.

Tyler stands and hauls Jamie up, shoving him backwards, saying, “Bedroom?”

Jamie grabs Tyler’s wrists pulling him as Jamie continues backwards toward a doorway.

Tyler can't help himself so he wriggles out of Jamie's grip and runs his hand up and down Jamie's sides.

Jamie stops at the bedroom door and kicks his shoes off, Tyler's eyes moving over the long, dark scar on Jamie's lower back, stretching from his left hip to nearly his right armpit.

He wants to touch it, but is afraid of making Jamie self-conscious, so instead he runs his hands from Jamie's shoulder blades up over his shoulders and wraps his arms around Jamie, pulling his chest flush with Jamie's back.

Tyler places small kisses along Jamie's neck and jaw, biting down at the shoulder roughly.

Jamie hisses and turns in Tyler’s arms, pants suddenly gone.

“Wow, you're efficient. I didn't even know you were taking them off yet-”

Jamie pins Tyler against the door, stopping his words with his mouth crashing against Tyler’s.

Tyler's hands scramble across Jamie's sides and back before he starts trying to work the underwear off of him.

Jamie lets Tyler pull them down and he immediately presses their hips flush, erections rubbing together and Tyler can't hold back the loud moan at the contact, breaking the kiss to tip his head back.

“Fucking hell,” Tyler pants as Jamie snaps his hips against Tyler’s, all while Tyler’s hands lightly claw at Jamie’s back.

He opens his eyes and sees Jamie just watching Tyler’s face.

Tyler’s hand come back to Jamie's chest, pushing him back again, but staying close enough to be touching.

Jamie eventually hits the bed, sitting down on the edge and Tyler kneels on either side, straddling Jamie as he ducks his head down to kiss him, hands cupping Jamie's jaw, relying on Jamie's big hands on his back and butt to keep him on the bed as he grinds his hips down against Jamie.

Eventually, Tyler breaks the kiss and pushes at Jamie's shoulders, softly saying, “Scoot, Jame.”

Jamie scoots back across the bed, mostly at the top and Tyler just sits, eyeing him for a moment, before crawling up to kiss him and say, “You're so fucking beautiful, Jamie.”

He doesn't wait to see Jamie's reaction before pushing him to lay, then kissing down his neck, chest, and stomach, making sure to press a kiss against every scar.

He looks back up when he reaches Jamie’s pelvis, meeting Jamie's eyes as he props himself up on his elbows to watch Tyler.

That plump lower lip is in Jamie's teeth, eyebrows arching in worry.

“I mean it, Jamie. You're so gorgeous. I know the scars make you self-conscious, but your body is amazing, alright? I'm looking at you and I want everything I see.”

The worry leaves Jamie's face and Tyler crawls back up to press a kiss to his lips.

He pulls back and runs his fingers down Jamie's cheek to his jaw, smiling and staring into Jamie's eyes.

“I honestly haven't ever been more physically attracted to anyone than I am to you.”

Jamie's cheeks redden, but he doesn't break eye contact to says, “Me neither….”

Tyler grins and presses another kiss to Jamie's lips before wriggling between Jamie's legs, half laying curled up on his side in between them and propped up with his forearm on Jamie's thigh, other hand stroking up Jamie's other thigh.

He licks his lips and decides after a few seconds of just appreciating the view, Jamie's cock is perfect.

Long and thick, but not too much, curving perfectly… Tyler’s mouth is watering at the sight.

He wraps his fingers around the shaft just under the head and slowly drags his hand up over the head, fingertips teasing the tip a bit before sliding his hand back down to the base.

“Wow,” he breathes.

_Perfect._

He leans down, both arms on Jamie's thighs and slips his tongue out to lap at the tip, lips closing around the entire head quickly after and sucking gently before beginning to suck his way down the length and, _Jesus, fuck, yes. Perfect._

Tyler feels his own dick twitching at the feel of Jamie's in his mouth, heavy on his tongue.

He immediately gets a little lost in sucking Jamie long and slow and _good._

Good things take time and patience, according to his mother.

_Not thinking of my mom while blowing this pretty much perfect guy._

Tyler could cum just sucking Jamie, honestly.

 _So fucking good_.

He's not sure how much time has passed, but when he finally tunes back in, Jamie's whimpering pleas out and running on hand through Tyler’s hair as his other arm is draped over his eyes.

Tyler smiles around Jamie, reaching down to stroke himself teasingly, moaning around Jamie.

Jamie tugs Tyler’s hair and his back arches.

Tyler decides to relent, not sure how much and what Jamie wants tonight, and he licks off of Jamie, still stroking the base gently as he sits up and meets Jamie's eyes when he flops his arm back onto the pillow above his head.

“Fuck, Ty…” Jamie breathes, reaching for him.

Tyler leans in and Jamie cups his face, wiping tears with his thumb and saying, “That was so fucking good, babe… I could have let you do that forever,” he pulls Tyler against him, sitting up to start rolling on top and says, “But, if you are interested, I really want to fuck you.”

Tyler keens at that and says, “Oh, jesus, yes. Please, Jamie. I want that thick, beautiful cock in me so bad. I want you over me, growling in my ear, biting me and- I want to be yours. Whatever you want. I wanna make you feel so good, baby….”

Jamie smiles, looking slightly overwhelmed and says, “Really now?”

Tyler nods, fingers lacing behind Jamie's neck, and he's melting at how Jamie's arms look as he props himself up on either side of Tyler, hovering above him, but casually, rhythmically rolling his hips down.

“Yes, Jamie… I want to be so good for you.”

Jamie still looks sort of surprised but he nods and reaches into the drawer next to the bed and pulls out a tube, uncapping it.

He squirts some lube into his hand, rubbing his fingers and leans down to kiss Tyler’s neck and chest as he lifts one of Tyler's legs onto his hip, stroking a long, thick finger across Tyler's hole, making him shiver before pressing in, quickly sliding it in until he's down to the knuckle.

“Tyler, you're so good, baby… relaxing for me and everything…” Jamie murmurs against Tyler’s nipple, sucking it into his mouth, biting gently

He adds a second finger pretty quickly, stretching and just watching as Tyler pants and moans and arches his back off the bed.

Jamie is in total awe as Tyler reacts and adds a third finger, watching Tyler’s jaw drop open.

“Jamie… oh, fuck, baby… mmm, god, you could get me off like this, fuck….”

Jamie moves back up to kiss and nip under Tyler's jaw, sucking a mark into his throat.

He slowly slips his fingers out, much to Tyler’s whimpering protest, and says, “I'd rather get my cock in there, though. But I am very interested in fucking you with my fingers and watching you cum. I bet you look so good and I want to watch with full attention sometime.”

Tyler nods and meets Jamie's eyes to say, “Yes, and you could jerk off over me?” sounding more hopeful than he realized he would.

He really wants to watch Jamie cum over top of him.

Jamie swallows hard at the thought and nods.

Tyler grins and grabs at the drawer Jamie pulled the lube from, rooting around for a condom.

He finds something else though, pulling out a plug and waving it at blushing Jamie.

“This is fucking big… Do you bottom ever?” he asks, dropping it back into the drawer and reaching for an unopened box of condoms.

“I-I mean… I never have? But this is also the first time I've had any sexual contact aside from my own hands in like… almost two years…?”

Tyler sits up a little.

“What?!”

Jamie rubs the back of his neck and says, “I told you, I don't really let people in….”

“Jesus, Jamie… You've been depriving people of that for two years?” Tyler says, pointing at Jamie's dick.

Jamie laughs and shakes his head a little, holding his hand out as Tyler pulls a condom out.

“I feel blessed. I'm so sucking you til you cum, later,” Tyler states matter-of-factly as he lays back, head on his folded arms.

Jamie blushes and tears the condom package open.

He leans down to kiss along Tyler’s stomach as he rolls the condom down over himself and hooks Tyler’s legs up onto his hips.

Tyler wriggles his hips a bit, getting slightly more comfortable, feet up on the bed behind Jamie to give him more accessibility.

He feels Jamie's fingers spreading him and a second later, Jamie's pressing the tip into him slowly.

Tyler lets out a gasp and wriggles again, pushing himself down a little.

“Fuck,” Jamie grunts out, squeezing Tyler’s hips tight and pushing up into him.

Tyler’s eyes snap open and his arms come down, hands grabbing Jamie's wrists tight as his back arches up.

_Jesus, Jamie is huge._

Tyler lets a soft, broken moan out and Jamie settles completely inside of Tyler to let him adjust.

Jamie filling him up, soft but strong hands gripping his hips, thumbs rubbing small circles into the skin, and when Tyler finally opens his eyes, he sees Jamie's jaw dropped low, eyes shut, lashes resting gently on his cheeks as he is slightly leaned over, biceps flexing every time he grips Tyler tighter.

“Fuck, Jame…” Tyler murmurs, propping himself up a little, touching the side of Jamie's face gently.

Jamie's eyes open slowly, meeting Tyler’s and he starts slowly moving his hips, watching Tyler’s face.

“Ty, baby… you're so tight, so good,” Jamie mumbles, leaning down to press kisses to Tyler’s chest, teeth catching one nipple and then the other.

Tyler's back arches up and he paws at Jamie's shoulders as he starts picking up some speed, a good rhythm of hips snapping against Tyler’s.

Jamie starts running his fingers and thumb across the tip of Tyler’s dick, almost like massaging it, and it's painfully slow in contrast with the rhythm of Jamie's hips.

“Fuck, yes, yes, yes… Oh, Jamie… So good, baby,” Tyler babbles as his hands card through Jamie's hair.

Jamie growls a little, speeding up and his hands grip Tyler’s wrists, pinning his hands up on either side of his head.

For a split second, Jamie looks worried it's too much or, maybe that's not what Tyler wants, but Tyler reassures him with a loud moan.

_God, Jamie looks so good, hair falling in his eyes, which are impossibly darker, lips parted and so dark red… Jesus, look at all that muscle moving…_

Jamie presses his mouth just under Tyler's jaw, leaving wet kisses, and panting against him, and goddamn, it feels good, but Tyler notices the angle doesn't work as well for Jamie.

“Jamie, baby, hang on,” Tyler mumbles.

Jamie slows and stops right away, letting Tyler's wrists go and pulling back away from his neck.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah! Yeah, I'm great. You're fucking amazing, how could I not be great?” Tyler says breathlessly, grinning. “But I want to try something. Different position, is that okay?”

“Yeah, of course,” Jamie smiles, kissing Tyler and gently pulling out.

Tyler turns on his stomach, lifting his hips up so Jamie has access.

Jamie runs his hands from Tyler's shoulders down his back to his hips, squeezing and spreading Tyler open, sliding in slowly.

Tyler moans and stretches his arms, fingers clawing at the pillow.

Jamie's chest meets Tyler’s back and his arms wrap around Tyler’s shoulders, hooking his hands at his collarbones, but keeping his knees bent so Tyler can keep his hips up, not crushing his dick against the mattress.

“Oh god, this is perfect, Ty…” Jamie says right in Tyler’s ear before nipping at Tyler’s earlobe.

Tyler moans, head tipping back as his fingers wrap around Jamie's hands, but one of them is gone, sliding down Tyler’s body to his hips, yanking him up against Jamie and Tyler cries out, turning his head to Jamie, pressing his face to Jamie's neck.

Jamie's thrusts even out to a steady pace and he bites Tyler's shoulder, hand sliding around to wrap around Tyler’s length, stroking him loosely, in time with his thrusts.

Tyler suddenly sees stars and moans loud and sudden.

“There?” Jamie asks, kissing Tyler’s neck.

Tyler nods rapidly and Jamie starts a relentless, powerful rhythm, nailing the most sensitive area of Tyler’s body perfectly, stroking him painfully slow and out of time.

Tyler is babbling out pleas and moans and Jamie's name and he can feel that pooling in his belly that he needs to release.

“So close, baby… fuck, I'm close.”

Jamie stops stroking him and wraps his arm up under Tyler, holding across his chest and he fucks into Tyler harder, pushing him down against the mattress, losing his leverage but not losing the angle.

Jamie holds Tyler tight and sucks his earlobe into his lips, so gentle in comparison to the rough snap of his hips.

Tyler's orgasm hits him like a train and he feels himself go boneless in Jamie’s arms.

Jamie slows down and kisses the back of his neck tenderly before taking both of Tyler’s wrists and pinning them at either side, getting a better angle, and thrusts slowly and forcefully into Tyler, gasping every other thrust.

“Fuck, Ty,” Jamie growls out and tenses briefly before loosening and going still slowly.

He gently lets Tyler’s wrists go and lays against Tyler again, kissing his neck wet and lazy.

“Okay, baby?” he murmurs and Tyler can't fucking deal.

_God, how how is he so fucking amazing all the time?!_

Tyler turns his head, resting it on his folded arms, saying, “I'm over the goddamn moon, Jame.”

Jamie smiles into his skin on his shoulder and says, “Good. I'm right there with ya…”

They lay still for a moment, Jamie stroking through Tyler's hair, kissing him tenderly, and Tyler humming in the bliss.

Jamie slowly slides out of Tyler, both sighing and he shakily stands to dispose of the condom and grab a cloth.

Tyler moves out of the mess he’d made on the bed and Jamie comes back, kneeling down to kiss Tyler deeply.

When he pulls back, he's straddling Tyler, who has his arms wrapped loosely around him, holding him in place.

One of Tyler's hands lets go so he can reach up to push Jamie's hair away from his face.

Jamie smiles and runs the cloth over Tyler, gently cleaning him, and then quickly cleans himself before tossing the cloth aside.

They just sit kissing for for a while, Jamie's hands running up and down Tyler’s arms before they finally get rid of the sheets that are messy, and curling up in the remaining ones, Tyler laying his head in the crook of Jamie's neck, fingers drawing circles into his chest.

“That was incredible, Jame…” Tyler hums.

Jamie's arms tighten around Tyler as he kisses his forehead and says, “Yeah, that's… I mean… understatement,” He laughs and quietly says, “You're so good, baby… Just… breathtaking.”

Tyler beams at the praise.

He pulls back a little, smiling at Jamie, and says, “I still wanna blow you when you're ready again.”

Jamie blushes and mumbles, “Jesus fucking christ…”

Tyler snickers and ducks his head into Jamie's neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm paperandwords on tumblr.
> 
>  
> 
> This gif was inspiration for sexy times:
> 
> https://66.media.tumblr.com/178bc9f6c175acc7ff04e75fa6c5628b/tumblr_n94ewsF6K51t7znx6o1_400.gif


	10. Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'But what if not? What if this is right? You're pushing away anything good out of fear of losing it because, somehow, you've convinced yourself that it will hurt less if you lose it on your own terms, J.'
> 
> And, oh…
> 
> Jamie is having an argument about this in his head with his dead brother.
> 
> Wow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, writing this and the next chapter was chaos, but I think I got this one wrangled.
> 
> Enjoy!

**Chapter 9**

 

_It's hard and depression is a slippery slope_

 

-Ten Days Later-

“Happy Canada Day!” Tyler shouts again, waving his maple leaf flag excitedly in Sharpy’s back yard.

Jamie watches him giggling at how goofy he is.

It's been good. Being with Tyler has been so good. They have dinner every other night, play hockey or just skate together often, touch and kiss as much as possible, and they've slept together 4 more times and it just keeps surprising Jamie how compatible they are on all levels.

Right now, Tyler is wearing red shorts covered in white maple leaves, a white tank with red stripes and a Canadian Moose snapback, flailing around in Sharpy’s yard with the dogs.

“He's not drunk, just ridiculous,” Jamie had explained when Shawzy and Boller showed up a moment ago.

Then they had basically forced Boller into all sorts of things involving syrup and maple leaves and the singing of “O, Canada” since he's U.S. born.

Jamie somehow got put in charge of the grill and he is flipping a burger when Tyler’s arms snake around him, two Labatt bottles in his hand.

“Brought the grill master a beer,” Tyler says and presses a kiss to Jamie's bare shoulder.

Jamie turns his head to get a kiss from Tyler and accepts one of the beers after Tyler uncaps it.

“Thanks, hon,” Jamie says, smiling at Tyler and Tyler frowns, about to protest being called ‘hon’, but Jamie stops it with another kiss.

When he pulls away, he grins, knowing Tyler’s opinion on the word. He does it mostly to playfully get on Tyler’s nerves.

Tyler swats his ass playfully and scurries away before Jamie can get him back.

An hour later, Jamie shoves the spatula at Spezza the moment he comes near the grill and says, “I'm fucking done, bud. Too damn hot over here.”

He basically runs away from Spezza before he can protest.

Scanning the yard, he doesn't see Tyler anywhere.

Finding Sharpy and Val, he asks, “Hey, you guys know where Tyler went?”

Sharpy grins, pointing to the sliding door to the dining room, and finishes his beer.

Jamie heads inside to find Abby and Tyler wearing plastic tiaras, blush, and lipstick, holding glasses of wine.

“Um....” Jamie says, stopping in his tracks. “Should I ask?”

“Like you haven't had a tea party with the girls, Captain,” Abby says, pointing at her daughters who are both asleep on the couch with the dogs, wearing princess dresses and their own tiaras and make up.

The little pink table in the middle of the room with plastic cups and saucers strewn across it shows that it was quite a tea party.

Jamie looks back at Abby and says, “Fair.”

Tyler grins, showing off the lipstick smudged on his teeth and Jamie rolls his eyes, stepping in to grab up a napkin off the island counter, wiping Tyler’s teeth.

“Thanks, babe,” Tyler says, smiling and wrapping his arms around Jamie's waist, careful to not slosh his wine.

“Of course,” Jamie says, wrapping his arms around Tyler in return.

Abby sighs dreamily.

They look at her and she smiles, saying, “You two are just the cutest.”

Tyler beams at her and Jamie thinks he looks exactly like a kid who has just earned his favorite teacher's praise.

Jamie smiles at her and she heads outside, leaving them standing alone, Jamie's hands cupping Tyler’s jaw.

“Am I pretty?” Tyler asks, fluttering his eyelashes and puckering his lips.

“The prettiest,” Jamie says just above a whisper.

He places a gentle kiss on Tyler’s lips and smiles, tipping his forehead against Tyler’s.

 

Tyler takes Jamie home with him that night and they lay naked in his bed, exploring each other lazily and slowly before Tyler decides to suck Jamie off, taking his time and making it last, even licking him clean after he comes in Tyler’s mouth.

Tyler’s jaw aches a tiny bit after, but the way Jamie looks when Tyler crawls back up to lay beside him is worth it and then some.

Jamie pats his own hips and Tyler climbs onto him, straddling his hip bones and Jamie wraps his huge hand around Tyler’s shaft, pumping him slow while squeezing his right butt cheek firmly.

Jamie isn't much of a talker in bed generally, but he feels Tyler getting closer and he growls out, “That's it, baby… You're so fucking good, Ty. I want you to come for me, babe. Make a mess on me,” and pumps him tight and fast, his calloused fingers brushing against Tyler’s tight hole.

Tyler's head tips back as he lets out a choked moan, shooting across Jamie's stomach and chest, gripping Jamie's sides tight.

Jamie strokes Tyler through it loosely until he starts tipping forward.

He makes sure Tyler is tucked against him, kissing his temple before grabbing the towel off the nightstand and wiping them clean.

Tyler mumbles incoherently against Jamie’s shoulder and Jamie looks at him, petting his hair, asking Tyler what he said, but Tyler’s already drifting off.

Jamie smiles and kisses his forehead softly.

“Goodnight, Ty,” he murmurs against Tyler’s skin, quickly following Tyler to sleep.

 

The next morning, Jamie wakes up alone and it's very quiet in the apartment.

He crawls out of bed, pulling his underwear on and going into the bathroom.

After using the toilet, brushing his teeth with an unopened toothbrush that is on a the counter, and raking his hand through his hair, Jamie catches his reflection.

He is caught completely off guard by how different he looks.

His eyes look warmer, his skin is nicer and brighter, and- is he taller?

After a moment, Jamie comes to the realization that he is generally standing straighter.

It's like he's a different person almost.

_It's good, though. This is an improvement. I have been happier since-_

Jamie's eyes widen and he realizes that it's Tyler.

_Tyler is since when. He's barely been in my life for… jesus, not even a month. And he's already made such an impact on me._

Jamie's brain goes into overdrive.

After a few moments, he looks back at his reflection and says aloud, “I'm turning him into a fucking crutch…”

_What are you gonna do, idiot, if this doesn't work out? You'll be even worse off. You'll fall apart. What if he dumps your ass? What if he hurts you? Where's your support system then, dummy? In four days, you have the most painful anniversary of your life. What if he dumps you today? How's that gonna go?_

Something hisses at him from the back of his brain, _you need him._

“I got too attached too fast,” he croaks out to his reflection as his skin goes icy. “Shit.”

He turns and hurries back into the bedroom to grab his clothes, yanking his jeans on and tugging his t shirt on so roughly that he's almost shocked that he doesn't rip it.

_What are you doing?_

He's got his shoes on and grabs his phone off the nightstand before rushing to the door and practically falls out into the hallway before hurrying to the stairs.

Just as he steps down onto the second floor landing, who else but Tyler steps onto the landing also, having come up from the first floor, Marshall on the leash in his hand.

They both stop, staring at each other.

Tyler speaks first.

“H-hey, I just took Marshy out for the bathroom and walk. What- uh, where are you off to? You said you had today off… I thought we could get breakfast?”

Judging by the startled and confused expressions battling for dominance on Tyler’s face, Jamie looks like he is panicking as much as he is.

“I-I have… a thing.”

_Ok, wow. ‘A thing’?_

Jamie pinches his eyes shut at how **that** sounds and takes a step back.

“A thing?” Tyler finally says. It doesn't actually sound like a question, really.

Jamie hates himself. He can't fucking do this. He's got to get out of here. Away from this gorgeous, amazing guy who is definitely too much for Jamie's weak ass.

His brain suddenly lights up.

He uses all of the strength he has to look at Tyler- not exactly in the eyes, but at least at his face.

“There's an emergency. Sorry, I have to-...” Jamie makes a vague motion toward the stairs, but he doesn't move.

What can he even do? _Walk passed Tyler?_

_Tyler is gonna expect me to be physical, say goodbye with kisses and contact. A promise of dinner or something. He's going to know something is going on. Then he's going to ask a bunch of questions and I can't answer any of those right now. I gotta get out of here! Fuck! How do I-_

“Jamie?” Tyler’s voice comes out so small and thin that Jamie looks him in the eyes.

Except, Tyler isn't really meeting his eyes. He is kind of, but his face is directed at the ground. He looks like someone just told him his dog is gonna die and it's all his fault. Like Jamie told him that.

Jamie's having a really tough time breathing.

“You're lying to me. Aren't you?” Tyler says so quietly that Jamie almost misses it.

But he doesn't - he hears the words perfectly fine and all of the fear in the tone in which Tyler says them.

And it's not really a question, either.

“You're running away from me, aren't you?” Tyler sounds like he's in pain and Jamie would honestly rather be drowned right now.

“I-” Jamie clears his throat. “Tyler, I have to g-...”

“Then go,” Tyler barks out, not angry, but definitely something.

Hurt? Confusion? Fear? Uncertainty?

Marshall whines, picking up on his human’s unhappiness.

Jamie opens his mouth to try to say something, but nothing happens.

Tyler’s looking straight down now, it's almost like, if he could angle his entire body down without actually laying down.

Jamie finally moves, he almost doesn't realize he's doing it but he notices he's basically inching passed Tyler, Marshall tugging at the leash to get at Jamie, but Tyler has the leash in a vice grip.

Jamie’s almost fully passed Tyler when Tyler’s whole body language changes from fear to fury.

His head snaps up, his eyes are fire, burning Jamie, and his mouth is a thin line. His entire body is rigid and puffed in a pre-physical-aggression manner that Jamie recognizes too well.

It freezes Jamie. Tyler’s never looked like this- or even close- since Jamie met him and, well, it's terrifying.

“So are you gonna be a grown ass man and actually fucking break up with me or are you gonna just bail out, ignore me, and hope I don't just come confront you at your home or work about it?” This is also not a question. “Y’know, you might even consider telling me what the fuck I did wrong, too. That'd be fucking nice, I think I deserve it. Since, last night you didn't seem to have any problems, I assume I somehow did something wrong in my fucking 20-minute absence this morning,” Tyler’s voice is so harsh and shaking with the attempt to keep control over his volume- and, from the look of them clenched at his sides, his fists.

Marshall whines and shies, hunkering down to appear small.

Jamie stares, jaw slack in shock and terror.

“Tell me I'm wrong, Jamie,” Tyler says, voice quiet and hurt again, but this is sounding like Tyler is challenging Jamie to lie to his face. “Tell me you're not doing that.”

“I'm scared,” Jamie blurts out finally.

“That's not a good enough excuse. I'm scared, too. I don't want to hurt you, though.”

“Tyler-...”

Tyler looks up and his eyes make Jamie feel like the biggest piece of shit ever.

“Fine, Jamie. It's- I get it. Okay? There. You're off the hook, now. No need to feel bad skipping out on me in the morning.”

His voice is strained and he's moving away from Jamie now, tugging Marshall toward his apartment.

Jamie starts to say something, but Tyler isn't done.

“I was so scared of the possibility of an unhealthy dynamic because of what my mom had said, but you never did that. Never made me feel like I owed you. And I promised all of your friends and everything, ‘I'll never hurt him, or, at least, I'll try my best,’ because they kept saying stuff about how you seemed happy with me and you hadn't been very happy in a long time. And, well, shit. I want to make you happy. You have been through so much, and you're so incredible, and you deserve to be happy. But now-... What, you're catching up to their realization and decided to just bail before I get the chance to hurt you?”

Jamie can't look up.

_Tyler’s right. He's absolutely right and he probably not only understands and is right, but he probably has worried more about you being happy and actively keeping you happy and not hurting you-_

"I deserve to be happy, too, Jamie," Tyler’s voice comes out small and shaky, making Jamie wince.

The stairs creak and Jamie looks up to see Tyler going up with Marshall.

They're not far enough up for Jamie to miss the tears on Tyler’s face.

Jamie stands, rooted in that spot on the second floor landing, unable to move.

He hears Tyler's door slam from up on the fourth floor and he still can't move.

Everything in his brain says to leave, take the escape.

Almost everything.

A good part of his brain says, ‘go talk to Tyler, don't do this to him, he doesn't deserve this.’

_Don't do this to yourself, either._

_But what if?_

_But what if not? What if this is right? You're pushing away anything good out of fear of losing it because, somehow, you've convinced yourself that it will hurt less if you lose it on your own terms, J._

And, oh…

Jamie is having an argument about this in his head with his dead brother.

Wow.

As it has become standard with all borderline batshit stuff he does anymore, Jamie wonders, how long has he been doing this?

But the mental-ghost of Jordie or whatever- his subconscious, the rational part of his brain yells- is right.

Jamie wants to actually talk to Jordie about this so badly.

Even if it's his brotherly tough love of calling Jamie names.

Jamie is slouched against the windowsill in the hall but he doesn't remember when he did that.

A few people pass him, going to and from their apartments.

He doesn't really notice any of them- except saying hi to Dana and her dog- until one of them stops in front of him.

Jamie looks up and Tyler is standing with his hands in his pockets, looking confused.

He's changed clothes and put a snapback on and all Jamie can think about is how good he looks, how much he wants to wrap his arms around him and kiss him.

“Jamie, what are you still doing here? If you're gonna leave, can you actually leave? Like, this is a tad unfair,” Tyler laughs, but it doesn't sound good.

“I- Tyler…”

_Um, okay, what the fuck? More should come out of your mouth now._

Jamie looks at Tyler’s raised eyebrow and crossed arms and-

“You're right,” Jamie croaks finally.

“I'm right?”

“Yes, and I'm sorry. I don't want-... I'm so scared of relying on anyone for my happiness because they might take it away that I push it away. Push them away. Jordie's totally right: I convince myself it'll hurt less if it's on my terms.”

“When did he say that?”

Jamie freezes, eyes widening.

“Uh… Okay… if there was any chance of you forgiving me and everything being okay between us, this might make you question wanting to…”

Jamie feels unhinged and looking at Tyler's raised eyebrows, he decides, ‘fuck it’.

“I just realized while standing here after you walked away that I have arguments with or get advice from my dead brother in my head.”

There's a beat of silence, Tyler's arms falling to his sides as he stares at Jamie. Jamie laughs little, sounding only mildly crazy.

He just turns and leaves.

What the fuck.


	11. Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie is talking, but he tips his head back against the stone, sees Tyler, and stops.
> 
> “I don't want to interrupt,” Tyler says.
> 
> Jamie's lips tighten into a thin line and his fists clench.
> 
> “I'm not making fun of you. These are important talks,” Tyler hurriedly says, stepping closer and touching the headstone before sitting beside Jamie, gently leaning against him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god, y'all. I haven't updated this since July. Holy crap. I'm determined to finish it now, though. This chapter and an epilogue.
> 
>  
> 
> Takes place in 2019 in NYC.
> 
> Mentions of the September 11th attacks, and future attacks across the world in several cities. The time line would suggest these attacks happen in June 2016.
> 
> We're going to ignore the timeline of Tyler’s dog's because fiction.
> 
> Title and lyrics from Professor Green's "Lullaby" featuring Tori Kelly.

**Chapter 10**

 

_I just wish someone would tell me it would be okay, but pessimism leads me to believe that it won't_

 

 

Tyler stares after Jamie.

His brain is working so hard to grasp what just happened.

He shakes himself out of it and rushes down the stairs.

Regardless of the fact that Jamie was going to bail on him, Tyler meant what he mumbled to Jamie last night, even if it's crazy or too soon or scary, and he intentionally mumbled so that Jamie didn't actually hear, he really does think he's falling in love with Jamie.

And Jamie's off thinking he's nuts for keeping his brother and best friend alive in his mind when he needs him.

Tyler needs to tell Jamie that it's fine; that's how he's coping and that's okay.

He gets out to the street and doesn't see Jamie anywhere.

“Fuck…” he mutters, digging his phone out of his pocket.

He hits call and starts heading toward the bus.

It cuts to voice mail on the second ring.

Well, cuts that option out.

His next call is more successful.

“Hey, my favorite butt pirate!”

Tyler rolls his eyes and says, “That's offensive and uncalled for, Blacker. You can just say, ‘hey, it's my only friend’ and that's simple enough.”

Blacker cackles and says, “Douche. What do you want?”

“I gotta take a rain check, sorry, I-”

“Jamie apologized and you're gonna go have makeup sex?”

“I wish it were that easy, dude, seriously. He thinks he's a freak for keeping his brother mentally close.”

“That's what people do when they lose someone, isn't it?”

“Yeah, but he thinks getting advice from or arguing with his brother in his head isn't normal.”

“Okay, that sounds slightly less sane, sure.”

Tyler growls and boards the bus.

“No, dude, it's a coping mechanism. His brother was that for him when he was alive. Why wouldn't he still be? It's like, ‘what would jesus do’? He's dead and can't tell you, but you can still seek answers from him, right?”

“When did you get religion?”

“I- That's not the point! The point is he thinks he's wrong and he isn't. I mean, he is for trying to just bail. But-”

“But you can forgive him for that because you love him and wanna have his babies?”

Tyler sighs as he pulls the chain for his stop.

“Something like that, yeah. Anyway, not gonna meet you for lunch. So. Bye, idiot.”

Tyler hangs up and exits the bus, walking around the corner to the gate of Jamie's building.

He buzzes the apartment and waits for a few minutes before heading to the firehouse.

When he gets there, Sharpy greets him with a hug.

“Where's Jamie?” he asks, looking over Tyler’s shoulder, still holding his upper arms. “Its his day off.”

“I was kinda hoping you knew where he was, actually,” Tyler says, sighing.

“Wait, I thought he was with you?” Sharpy drops his hands.

Tyler looks down and says, “That's… a bit of story. Where does he go when he's upset, do you know?”

Sharpy levels his eyes at Tyler and says, “What happened?”

Tyler smiles sadly, saying, “Thanks for not asking what I did wrong.”

Tyler tells Sharpy quickly about the morning and Sharpy looks at him sympathetically. 

“If that's what he said, I can guess where he'll be.”

Sharpy gives him the directions and hugs him again before he goes.

“Set his head on straight, Seggy.”

Tyler nods and hurries to catch a cab.

He gets to the place quickly, walking through the gates and up the path.

As he nears where Sharpy said it was, he can see Jamie's hunched up shoulders and head hanging, as he sits on the ground against the stone.

Tyler quietly steps closer, stopping a few feet away.

Jamie is talking, but he tips his head back against the stone, sees Tyler, and stops.

“I don't want to interrupt,” Tyler says.

Jamie's lips tighten into a thin line and his fists clench.

“I'm not making fun of you. These are important talks,” Tyler hurriedly says, stepping closer and touching the headstone before sitting beside Jamie, gently leaning against him.

“You aren't crazy. He's important to you. This is how you keep him with you and that's nobody else's business to judge. People talk to Jesus in large groups in big buildings all the time and that's acceptable. This is way saner than that.”

Jamie smiles the tiniest bit.

Tyler slips his fingers under Jamie's chin and turns his head so their eyes meet.

“I'm sorry.”

Jamie looks at Tyler in surprise.

“Why are you sorry? I'm the one who acted like a big piece of shit.”

“I forgive you.”

“I haven't apologized.”

Tyler sighs and says, “So apologize then.”

Jamie looks down and then back at Tyler.

“I'm so sorry, Tyler. I want to be with you but I'm terrified…

Tyler’s shoulders droop.

“So you  **are** breaking up?”

Jamie shakes his head quickly and grabs Tyler’s hands.

“No! I just… I'm explaining. I realized that I was looking better, healthier. And I realized it's because of how much happier I've been and I realized it was because of you. So I panicked because I thought I was using you as a crutch and depending on you for happiness and got too attached too soon. Like, I kept running over in my head that if you hurt me or this just didn't work out, I'd be even worse off. And-” Jamie's voice breaks off, sounding weak and Tyler turns his hands to rub his thumbs over Jamie's knuckles.

Jamie looks at their hands and chews on his lip.

After a moment of watching Jamie's face work, Tyler softly says, “So what do you want to do, Jamie?”

Jamie let's his lip free and shakily exhales, big eyes looking so scared.

“I don't know,” he breathes out.

Tyler feels his heart sink and he drops their hands helplessly, not letting go of Jamie's but not holding them with as much enthusiasm.

“Should I go then? Let you decide and come find me when you do know?”

Jamie doesn't say anything and Tyler sighs.

He watches Jamie pinch his eyes shut at the sigh and Tyler can tell he's afraid of how frustrated Tyler seems at him.

Before Tyler can calm his worries, Jamie says, “Why are you even willing to wait for that? For me? I can't possibly be worth this trouble, Ty… Why- What, in this current situation, is making you want to hang onto me? You could so easily find someone better for you. I mean, I'm not really a great person to keep around. I'm a mess, and just-”

It's pretty clear by Jamie's reaction a moment later that he wasn't at all expecting Tyler to hit him.

Tyler points at Jamie, getting in his face, and says, “Stop talking shit about the guy I'm head over heels for. He's perfect,” Tyler’s voice softens as his hand comes back to Jamie's cheek, much softer this time, and he murmurs, “I kinda love him.”

Jamie looks so shocked still but his big eyes are locked on Tyler’s.

“You what?” Jamie's voice comes out so small that Tyler feels a little amused, considering the size of the man using that tiny voice.

“I kinda love you.”

Jamie keeps staring and Tyler leans forward, pressing his lips to Jamie's.

He pulls back, but stays close saying, “I know this is soon and scary, but I mean it. It sounds cheesy but, when I'm laying with you or skating with you or just… talking with you, I feel like we've known each other for so long. And I want it. All of it. All of you. All of the broken mess, all of the insecurities- I know I probably can't kiss them away, kiss you better, but I want to try at least.”

Jamie actually  **crumples** against Tyler, curling into him and Tyler wraps his arms around him, holding on.

They stay like that for a moment, Tyler petting Jamie's hair and back, letting Jamie shake against him.

After a long while, Jamie moves, sitting upright and wraps his arms around Tyler, face still hidden in Tyler’s neck.

_ He's probably still pretty embarrassed. _

Tyler nudges Jamie to get him to lift his head and when he does, Tyler kisses him sweetly.

Jamie actually kisses back this time, and- damn, does he kiss back.

When they finally part, they're both breathing heavily and Jamie presses his face into Tyler’s collarbone, saying, “I kinda do to.”

Tyler smiles and tightens his grip around Jamie.

“I'm sorry I'm so timid and dumb and insecure, but I want this so bad. Want you so bad. I… I need to let myself be happy.”

Tyler tangles his fingers into Jamie’s hair and says, “Jordie tell you that?”

Jamie pulls away and stares at Tyler.

“It sounds like what a good brother would say. He loved you. Loves you. He would tell you to let yourself be happy.”

Jamie tries and fails to hold back the tears welling up, and tucks back against Tyler, clinging to him.

When he calms again, Tyler is gently scraping his nails across the short sides of Jamie's hair.

Tyler muscles Jamie to a sitting position where they can meet eyes and says, “We can do this, okay? I swear. I want this, you want this, we'll make it work.

Jamie nods and leans in to press their lips together.

-4 days later-

Jamie and Tyler are standing, hands linked and Jamie's head is on Tyler’s shoulder.

The guys from the firehouse are standing around them, and Jamie's parents, sister, and brother-in-law are standing on the other side of Jamie.

The Firefighters Memorial Cemetery is understandably crowded today.

Jenny steps forward, laying flowers in front of the headstone, and kneels down, despite her dress, placing a hand on the marble.

Jamie kneels down beside her and wraps an arm around her shoulders, tipping his head sideways against hers and Tyler watches her arms wrap around his middle.

Tyler steps closer to Jenny’s husband, Jack, and quietly says, “I feel a tiny bit out of place.”

Jack looks at Tyler very seriously and says, “You shouldn't. Jamie is glad you're here. So is everyone else. I know Jen is. She said their parents thought it was very good of you to be here, considering you two just started dating not that long ago.”

Tyler nods, processing all of this, and says, “Thank you for telling me that. I think I needed to hear that.”

Jack smiles and nods.

Jamie steps back over to Tyler, taking his hand again and Tyler sees the tears in Jamie's eyes.

Jenny steps back over to Jack and she's got tears down her face.

Their parents step over to the headstone. It feels like an intrusion for Tyler to watch them so he busies himself with wrapping Jamie in a hug, kissing his temple. 

Jamie pulls back and looks at him, quietly asking, “Are you still okay with coming to dinner with us?”

Tyler nods and gives Jamie a reassuring smile.

He had been nervous about going to dinner with just Jamie and his family after drinks with everyone- that was safe, he had the buffer of the guys being there and he knew all of them. But dinner with his family… shit. That was real.

But Tyler knew Jamie really wanted him to, even though he'd told Tyler several times that he absolutely didn't have to. His face was so hopeful, though, and Tyler couldn't say no.

So he got himself used to the idea and tamped down his worry as much as he could.

He was nervous about making a bad impression.

_ Thank god I got that promotion two days ago. ‘Assistant manager’ sounds so much better than ‘theme-restaurant-daytime-bartender’. _

He still hates his job a bit, but this is better and it's temporary.

Tyler squeezes Jamie's hand again and smiles at him.

After Jamie's parents move away, the team takes their turns paying respects and they make their way to each of the fallen team members’ headstones.

Tyler watches Jamie squat down and mumble something with a hand on the headstone at Jason's.

When he comes back to Tyler, he smiles and says, “I wish you could have met Jordie and Daddy. I really think they would have liked you a lot. You and Daddy would have been friends like that,” Jamie says, snapping.

Tyler smiles at the knowledge that people Jamie regards so highly would have approved of Tyler, according to Jamie.

 

The whole team, some of their significant others who didn't head home, and some family members and Tyler all pretty much overtake the bar, but they apparently know the bartender and management pretty well.

Jamie is talking to Goose’s wife, Amanda, when Jamie’s father comes over to Tyler, beer in his hand.

_ Shit shit shit- NO. You're gonna be fine. _

“Hi, Mr. Benn,” Tyler says, obviously slightly nervous.

“Please, Tyler. it's Randy,” he says, leaning on the table that Tyler is standing beside, beer sitting mostly full on it. “And you can calm down, if I was going to interrogate you or anything, it wouldn't be right now.”

Tyler smiles, nodding.

“Besides, Jamie has pretty good judgment when it comes to people. And he can definitely stand up for himself,” he pauses, meeting Tyler’s eyes and says, “being a chubby kid who wants to be an athlete will do that to you, I guess,” Randy grins.

Tyler smiles and says, “It's hard to imagine him chubby.”

Randy pulls out his phone, scrolling for a moment and hands it to Tyler with a smirk.

It's a picture of Jamie, Jordie, Jenny, and Heather in front of a Christmas Tree. Jamie is probably in high school. And yeah, even with the oversized Canucks shirt, Tyler can see he was kinda chunkier.

Tyler grins and hands the phone back, saying, “Yeah, okay. He definitely grew out of it.”

His eyes dart over to where Jamie is and catches his eye, giving a small wave.

Randy snorts softly and Tyler looks back to him.

“You should see your face.”

Tyler blinks and stutters out a “What?”

“When you look at my boy,” Randy says, taking a sip of his beer and looking around the room. He finally looks back at Tyler, smiling, and adds, “You're very obvious. His mom was all worried when she saw how he looks at you,” Randy scoffs with with a grin and says, “But here you are, looking at him like that, too.”

Tyler smiles slowly and feels a light blush spreading on his face.

He looks down and quietly says, “He's the best person I've ever met.”

When he looks up again, Randy is smiling at him, that same fond look that Jamie gets when Tyler is rolling around with Marshall, and he clears his throat before saying, “I'm really glad you realize that. And I'm glad he's got you, son.”

Tyler's face might crack from the huge, dumb smile on his face.

“He said he met your mom?”

“Yeah,” Tyler nods. “She already loves him. But how could she not though? Sweet, polite Canadian? He's the son I probably should have been, but I was kinda wild for a bit,” Tyler laughs.

Randy smiles and says, “Jamie somehow never really had a wild phase.”

“Yeah, it's hard to imagine that he would have. If he and I had met five years ago, you probably wouldn't want me near him. I don't want the me of five years ago near him.”

Randy laughs at that and says, “If you can be honest and say that, it means you've grown up.”

Tyler starts to say something, but Jamie's mom joins them, wrapping Tyler up in a hug immediately.

“Sweetheart, thank you so much for being with us today. I know it means a lot to Jamie, so it means a lot to us.”

“Of course, Mrs. Benn,” Tyler says, smiling softly at her.

“Heather,” she says.

“Heather, of course,” Tyler says.

_ Why am I this awkward right now?! _

“Where in Canada are you from, Tyler?” Randy asks, gently removing Heather and her grip on Tyler’s arm.

“Toronto. Well, just outside of Toronto.”

“Ugh, Leafs fan?” Jenny says, walking up from behind Tyler to join the conversation, Jack at her side.

“Yeah…” Tyler rubs the back of his neck sheepishly.

Jenny looks at Jack and says, “Guess he couldn't be perfect.”

Jack smiles and looks at Tyler, saying, “Ignore her. I'm a Flames fan. Calgary born and raised.”

Tyler grins and Jenny says, “Yeah, at least your team sucks slightly less, Tyler.”

Jack snorts and says, “Canucks didn't make playoffs either. So don't rag on the Flames, hon.”

Tyler tries not to look smug about the Leafs making it to Finals, only losing the Cup win by one goal in game 7 to the Sharks.

Jamie is suddenly at his side, hand on Tyler’s lower back, looking awkward.

“Hey, what's up?”

“Easy, Chubbs, you don't need to rescue your man from your family. Just talking about people having poor taste in hockey teams,” Jenny says, looking pointedly at Jack and then Tyler.

Tyler fakes a cough, muttering ‘Stanley Cup wins’ and Jenny socks his arm.

Jamie visibly relaxes and smiles.

“Wait. Sorry. ‘Chubbs’?” Tyler asks.

Jamie tenses back up and glowers at Jenny.

“Jamie was a chunky kid,” Jenny smiles, sipping her drink.

“That's a bit mean, isn't it?” Tyler says, uncertain, looking between Jenny and Jamie for a moment before looking at their parents.

"It's fine, Ty,” Jamie says, squeezing Tyler’s side gently. “Its… playful. Sibling stuff.”

“Plus, Jord and I were the only people allowed to call him that. Older sibling privileges. Anyone else got beat up,” Jenny smiles and looks at Jamie. “And it got you to lose the weight, didn't it?”

Jamie rolls his eyes at her and says, “Yeah, I owe you one. Bullied me into losing weight.”

She waves him off looking back at Tyler, saying, “Anyway, it kind of stuck.”

“Jesus, I'm glad the oldest. I hope I wasn't so brutal with my sisters in my sibling ribbing,” Tyler laughs. He thinks for a moment before adding, “Cands would probably beat me up if I did, though. She's wily.”

Jenny laughs and says, “Good girl.”

“Cass would have gotten me in trouble. Either told mom on me or told Cands and she would beat me up.”

Jamie smiles and says, “Did your sister beat you up a lot?”

“No, but she could pack a punch and I was never gonna hit her as hard as possible.”

“What a gentleman,” Jenny deadpans, then smirks. “Pretty surprising from Leafs fan.”

Tyler rolls his eyes and Jamie tugs him close, kissing his temple.

“Gonna have to get used to this, if you still want me,” Jamie mumbles with a smile.   
“Ugh, fine,” Tyler sighs, smiling when Jamie meets his eyes.


	12. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally done.
> 
> Sorry it took forever.
> 
> Typos are my bad...
> 
>  
> 
> Jump to future, sexy times, Christmas surprises, sappy shit, families getting even closer, yay!

** Epilogue **

 

 _All the time I was sure you were mine_  
_And before time demands our goodbye_  
_Can you sing me a last lullaby?_

 

 

“Oh, my God! Tyler, stop fussing with it! Your sisters and mom are gonna be here in like, any minute!”

Jamie can hear the huff that comes from the bathroom from where he is standing in the hallway.

Tyler pokes his head out of the doorway and says, “It's. Crooked. Jamie.”

Jamie shakes his head as Tyler ducks back in.

Tyler growls a little in frustration and Jamie wonders quietly why the hallway bathroom even needed any decorating, but if Tyler wants to hang 8 reindeer from the wall over the mirror, fine.

He chuckles, takes a sip of his eggnog, and goes into the living room.

Tyler had decorated the room like they were hosting Christmas for the Prime Minister or something.

The tree was _fucking huge_ as it was, but then there was about a foot deep layer of decorations and lights. The curtains over the window had been switched to thick dark red ones that had green foil leaves stamped on them. There was a holly printed rug in the center of the room, 10 bulging stockings hanging from Santa tacks on on the wall, and tinsel around the window and door frames.

Presents. Everywhere.

He'd even found a fake wood stove which Marshall was curled up next to, wearing his elf costume.

Jamie had protested that a little, but the dog seemed perfectly content wearing it.

Plus, it gave Jamie some ideas about part of his present to Tyler.

About that….

Jamie slid his phone out of his pocket and sent a quick text to Sharpy.

The doorbell chimes the beginning tune of jingle bells and Jamie sighs, taking a moment to wonder if he should think Tyler’s enthusiasm about ‘Christmas Spirit’ is endearing or an obvious show of a lack of sanity.

He opens it to be socked in the arm by his sister, complete with a ‘merry Christmas, ya bum’.

To be fair, she does also hug him before pushing passed him into the house, Jack trailing behind with at least 10 presents in his arms.

Jamie hangs their coats and such in the hall closet, then helps Jack get all the presents into the living room.

“Jesus, Chubbs… Did the collective Christmas sections of literally every Macy’s on the planet vomit in your house?” Jenny laughs.

Jamie huffs out a laugh and says, “No, I just fell for a guy who loves Christmas on on a nearly insane level.”

“Ahem.”

Jamie turns to see Tyler standing in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest, looking grumpy, now in a ridiculously soft-looking Christmas sweater, red pants, and green socks.

He looks adorable and Jamie forgets what he was just saying and grins stupidly, leaning in to press a solid kiss to Tyler’s mouth.

Tyler squawks a little but kisses back.

“Aw, you two are so cute,” Jenny fake gushes, but is cut off when Jack tugs her close and kisses her.

When they part, Jack points up and says, “Look, hon. Mistletoe.”

Jamie looks up and, wow. Basically the whole ceiling has mistletoe hanging from it.

He looks back at Tyler and says, “So, this is a make out room, now?”

Tyler holds up a finger and says, “Ah! It's a _Christmas_ make out room.”

Jamie shakes his head and says, “why don't we distribute them a little more evenly, huh, baby?”

Tyler melts like he always does at Jamie's pet names, and nods.

Jenny, Jack, and Tyler move around the house, redistributing the mistletoe and giving them a tour of the house, when Jamie sees a response from Sharpy, confirming their plan.

The doorbell rings again before the front door swings open and Marshall is barking and jumping around as Candace and Cassidy enter, dropping down in the foyer to pet him and coo over him.

It's eerie how much it is _exactly_ how Tyler greets Marshall.

Jamie smiles and takes Jackie’s hands as she steps in passed the girls, kissing his cheek.

She hands Jamie a stack of presents and then takes her own as she follows him to the tree.

“Oh, looks like you let Tyler go wild with decorating, huh?”

Jamie smiles, sheepishly shrugging, taking her coat, hat, scarf, and gloves, hanging them in the hall closet.

“How can you say no, right? When he gets that childlike excitement around the holidays, it's hard to deny him anything, right?"

Jamie smiles wider and says, “The good news is now it's my job to spoil him. You get some relief.”

She laughs and wraps him up in a hug.

“It's not all about him, to be fair. After he turned 8 years old until he moved out, I didn't have to decorate a thing for holidays. He always did the work for me with an excitement unparalleled, while I was just happy to have one less thing to do.”

Jamie laughs and says, “Plus, it probably kept him occupied and too focused to think about looking for hidden presents.”

“And kept him out of the kitchen while I cooked and baked.”

“Yeah,” Jamie laughs again. “Sounds about like how our week went, actually.”

The door opens again and Jamie peeks around the corner to see his parents step into the hallway with dishes and presents.

He wraps them both up in hugs, helping them carry presents and put away their coats.

Candace and Cassidy join them, hanging their stuff up before hugging Jamie and helping him and Randy carry food stuff into the kitchen to prepare it for dinner.

Jackie and Heather chat the whole way down the hall to the dining room, both having been to Jamie and Tyler’s new home already, basically as soon as they moved in.

Jamie gives his dad a beer, hands the girls eggnogs, and grabs two glasses of wine to take to Jackie and Heather before starting the tour for the Candace and Cassidy and his dad.

They run into Tyler, Jenny, and Jack outside outside on the patio as they are talking about the little rink Jamie had worked hard to get ready for Christmas morning hockey.

Candace and Cassidy smother their brother in hugs before running off with Marshall into the snowy yard, throwing snowballs stopping when they remember they don't have their coats on.

Randy shakes Tyler’s hand and starts talking about the skeleton of a gazebo that Tyler had started on but hadn't had the chance to finish before the snow and the holidays crept up on them.

They'd only moved into the house together about two months ago.

Once everyone is inside, sitting around the table, drinking and talking while the food is in the oven, Jamie wraps his arm around Tyler, who sinks into his side.

Jamie presses a kiss to Tyler’s head, sighing happily.

He runs his fingers over the ‘Christmas 2020!!’ decorations on the green tablecloth and smiles.

A year and a half since he'd first met Tyler.

Now they were sharing Christmas together in **their** home with each other's families. The guys from the firehouse and a few of Tyler’s friends were going to be here for New Year's.

Things in Jamie's life were good.

He closes his eyes and sighs.

In his mind, it is all the same, but Jordie is here too.

He opens his eyes to see Tyler peering up at him.

Jamie smiles and squeezes Tyler.

Tyler smiles knowingly and squeezes Jamie back.

After dinner and a few hours of conversation, Jamie and Tyler show everyone where they are sleeping, Jamie's parents taking one guest room, Jackie and Tyler’s sisters in the other, and Jenny and Jack in the living room on the pull out sofa.

After saying goodnight to Heather, Randy, and Jackie, Jamie goes about making some cocoa for the rest of them as they all pile into what has been deemed ‘the tree room’.

As he's pouring mugs full, he hears Tyler's voice and then Cassidy giggling, followed by Jenny saying something that makes everyone laugh.

Jamie can't help smiling at the sound, even if whatever Jenny said was probably a joke at Jamie's expense.

He brings they tray with mugs into the room, handing them out and Tyler makes room for him on the loveseat, scooting Marshall a bit.

Once Tyler is settled against his side, Jamie wraps an arm around Tyler’s shoulders.

“This is a really nice home you two have made,” Jenny says looking at them warmly.

“Thanks, sis,” Jamie says, softly, scraping his fingers through Tyler’s hair gently.

Jamie sees Cassidy kick Tyler’s foot gently out of the corner of his eye.

They share a smile and Jamie wonders for a moment what it's about.

Candace and Jenny start talking about something and it draws the attention off of Jamie and Tyler for a moment.

“Hey,” Jamie murmurs into Tyler’s hair.

Tyler tips his head up, lolling it back on Jamie's shoulder, and Jamie forgets for a second what he was gonna say.

Weird that Tyler meeting his eyes still has such an immediate effect on him.

“You've been awful quiet. Everything okay?”

Tyler smiles slowly, teeth showing and closes his eyes as he nods, curling closer against Jamie.

“I'm really happy,” Tyler finally says.

Jamie hums, running his thumb along Tyler’s jaw, and finally says, “So that's how to get you to shut up,” very softly despite the joke.

Tyler opens his eyes and grins up at Jamie, nodding a little.

An hour and a half later, they're laying in bed in just their boxer briefs under the glow of the fairy lights Tyler had wrapped around all four bed posts (Tyler had desperately wanted a canopy bed and Jamie is not strong when Tyler wants things).

They're slowly kissing and gently touching and Jamie takes back everything he said about how they didn't need fairy lights over their bed.

Tyler looks even more beautiful in this light.

Jamie tells him so and Tyler smiles sort of dreamily before saying, “if you think I look good, you should see how you look right now.”

Jamie feels a little blush and he leans down to kiss Tyler again, murmuring against his mouth, “You were right about these lights. Maybe we should leave them up year-round.”

Tyler nods and wraps his arms around Jamie's neck, pulling him down again to kiss him deeply.

They get a little lost in kissing, to the point where when Jamie’s hand brushes over Tyler’s hip, Tyler jumps slightly, skin tingling and throat constricting at his sudden awareness of how aroused he is.

He meets Jamie's eyes, sliding his hands down to the sides of his neck, thumbs tracing over his jaw and, _wow_.

 _Jamie is absolutely gorgeous_.

Some of his hair is falling over his forehead, hanging down as he looks down at Tyler and Tyler can't help but run his hand through it, brushing it back.

Jamie's eyes flick down to Tyler’s lips, then keep trailing down and he runs one hand down along the cut of his hips, over his stomach and chest til it reaches the side of his neck where he leaves it before leaning back down to pressing a searing, more sexually charged kiss to Tyler’s lips, tongue working into Tyler’s mouth like he's trying to remind Tyler what it's capable of.

The noise it elicits from Tyler is entirely involuntary and Jamie smiles against against his mouth.

“Merry Christmas, baby,” Jamie says softly, pulling away just enough to move his face down to Tyler’s neck, lips just under his ear and behind the hinge of his jaw. “What do you want for your first present?”

Tyler shivers and whimpers, hands clinging to Jamie's upper arms.

He can't decide, honestly. He wants Jamie to wreck him. They can't fuck, Tyler knows he can't be quiet at all if they do.

Jamie's mouth works the spot he was brushing his lips against and Tyler whimpers again.

“Jamie… your mouth… oh, god…”

“Where, baby?” Jamie purrs.

“Oh, fuck, everywhere. I want you to make me fall apart.”

Jamie smiles and takes nearly a full minute to kiss a line down Tyler’s neck to his nipple, sucking gently.

He runs a hand up and down Tyler’s ribs as he does, squeezing his hips a little rougher each time.

Jamie's mouth moves to the other nipple as he works it just as long and as slow as the other, stimulating Tyler as much as possible.

Jamie keeps working his mouth across Tyler's skin, moving down his body with the speed of an old cat lounging in the sun.

By the time Jamie gets to his waistband, Tyler's squirming and his fingers are clutching the sheets tight.

His skin is tingling and it feels like an electrical spark against it everywhere Jamie kisses. He is so wound up he thinks he'll vibrate out of his skin.

Jamie tugs Tyler’s boxer briefs off, kissing down from his hip, along the crease of the inside of his thigh, nipping and sucking marks all over the inside of both thighs.

“Fu-uuuck…” Tyler whimpers, breath catching in his throat when Jamie bites.

He's so over sensitive already and Jamie hasn't even accidentally touched his cock.

Jamie's hands run from the inside of his thighs up to his abs, one hand trailing back down to just above Tyler’s knee as the other stops just above Tyler’s hardened cock.

“J-Jamie... “ Tyler pleads as he shivers.

“I've got you, baby.”

Tyler moans the moment Jamie's fingertips brush his cockhead and Jamie stops.

Tyler lifts his head to look at Jamie.

Jamie places a finger over his lips and Tyler frowns at the smirk on those lips.

Jamie's fingers slide down Tyler’s shaft before following them with his mouth.

Tyler gasps and bites off a moan, surprised at Jamie sinking down til his lips are around the base and sucking back up quickly.

His fingers card through Jamie's hair, one hand cupping the base of his skull.

Jamie sucks and bobs and swirls his tongue until Tyler feels his orgasm crash through him.

He sees Jamie wipe his mouth on the back of his hand and move up to the nightstand, taking a sip from the glass of water there.

His hand snakes across the bed to touch Jamie's side and it makes the other man smile around the edge of his glass.

When Jamie turns back to him, Tyler feels so warm and fuzzy inside.

“Jamie, let me,” he says breathlessly, motioning for Jamie to roll onto his back.

Jamie obeys with a soft smile and Tyler tugs his boxer briefs down to his mid-thighs.

Tyler takes a moment to eye Jamie's body and bites his lip.

_God, he is really breathtaking._

He rolls onto Jamie, kissing him fiercely and taking his length in his hand in one motion.

Tyler grins as Jamie lets out a soft, shaky sigh and hooks his foot in Jamie's boxer briefs where they're still caught around his legs to push then down the rest of the way, kicking them off Jamie's feet.

He kisses down Jamie's chest and stomach, running his hands all over his thick torso down to his muscular thighs.

Tyler feels a thrill at Jamie's hands gently closing around his forearms, not stopping him, but just holding on.

He nips at the inside of Jamie's right thigh, earning him a gasp and Jamie's hands tightening around his arms.

Smiling, Tyler takes Jamie's length in one hand, cupping his balls with the other, fingers stroking behind them gently.

He laps his tongue along the tip of Jamie's cock and after covering every bit of the head with his tongue, sucks it into his mouth.

Jamie lets out a little whimper and runs a hand through Tyler’s hair, cupping the base of his skull just as Tyler had done to Jamie earlier.

Tyler feels Jamie shaking with the willpower to not just push Tyler’s teasing mouth down and he smiles around Jamie, rewarding him by sucking him down to the base sucking back up, fingers still moving, sliding further back.

He slides his mouth down loosely but sucks harder each time he bobs his head back up as he keeps his left hand firmly planted against the crease, fingers scraping Jamie's inner thigh.

His right hand is fully under Jamie's balls, now, cupping them as his fingers rub slowly, inching back.

When his middle fingertip brushes against Jamie's hole, Jamie's hands grip Tyler’s hair tightly for a second before releasing and he bites down on a moan.

Tyler gently pulls back off Jamie and holds him loosely, swallowing the excessive saliva before looking up into Jamie's eyes.

“Do you want…?” he asks, rubbing the finger in a circle. “Jamie, do you want my fingers, baby?”

Jamie groans softly and hesitates for a moment before nodding.

They'd done this once. Jamie wanted to try bottom and Tyler had been excited, but it was a bit too uncomfortable and stilted so they didn't try it again, and just finished each other off with sloppy hand jobs and kisses.

But Jamie had liked Tyler’s fingers in him. Two of them at least.

This they could do.

Tyler holds his hand out when he sees Jamie open the drawer, pulling out lube.

He then makes quick work of slicking up his fingers and tossing the tube aside.

Jamie sucks in a sharp breath as Tyler sucks his length back into his mouth, and his hands card back into Tyler’s hair.

He slips his hand back behind Jamie's balls, stroking along until he reaches Jamie’s hole again.

Jamie yanks a hand out of Tyler’s hair to clamp it over his mouth as Tyler pushes one finger in and sucks hard at the head.

Tyler smiles around Jamie and pushes his finger deeper.

Jamie lets out little whimpers as Tyler twists his finger and sucks.

He rubs one calf along Tyler’s ribs and shivers, murmuring, “T-Tyler… P-Pleasssse.... An-nother… More…”

Tyler couldn't deny Jamie anything ever, but Jamie shaking against him, softly stuttering out a desperate plea for Tyler to put another finger inside of him as he tries not to buck up into Tyler's mouth…

Tyler loves him so much.

He pushes a second finger in and hooks them as he sucks down Jamie's length.

Jamie's so incredibly hard, and Tyler can feel his balls tightening.

Tyler finds that sweet bud inside of Jamie and swipes his fingertips against it, taking Jamie deep in his throat.

Just as he is pulling back to swirl his tongue around the head, Jamie makes makes a noise like a sob, stroking a shaking hand up the back of Tyler’s neck, and Tyler eases up a little.

“Ty, baby… I… I'm gonna-... I can't…”

Tyler pats Jamie's hip in confirmation, and sucks down again, swiping his fingers across the sensitive spot inside of Jamie one last time before Jamie grunts, biting on his fist and bucking his hips slightly as he releases into Tyler’s mouth.

Tyler wipes his mouth off and slowly extracts his fingers.

He presses a kiss to the inside if Jamie's thigh and slides up Jamie's shaking body to press another to his jaw, rubbing a hand up and down Jamie's broad chest.

Jamie shakily puts his hand on the small of Tyler’s back.

He still hasn't opened his eyes again, so Tyler gives him a moment, standing to get a damp cloth from their bathroom, washing his hands.

When he returns, Jamie is still breathing heavy, eyes slowly blinking open.

Tyler smiles softly, climbing gently onto Jamie, straddling his thigh and lifting his other thigh just a little to wipe the cloth along Jamie's sensitive hole, cheeks and up under his balls.

“Ty... “ Jamie says so gently, causing Tyler’s eyes to snap up to Jamie's.

He looks so gentle and loving and Tyler tosses the cloth aside to lean down, cupping one hand behind Jamie's head, the other tangling their fingers together as he presses his forehead against Jamie's, grinning a stupid happy grin.

“Hi, gorgeous,” he says.

Jamie huffs and smiles back.

“You good, baby?” Tyler asks gently as his hand rubs down the back of Jamie's neck, sliding up the side of his neck to his jaw.

Jamie shuts his eyes and nods, letting a breath out.

Tyler is about to slide off of him, but Jamie's arms wrap tightly around him, keeping him on top of him.

“Hey…”

Tyler meets Jamie's eyes again and, wow…

Jamie's eyes are so dark and fierce, Tyler feels stripped raw by them, more vulnerable than when Jamie had him pinned naked to the bed. Any time he's done that.

“Y-yeah?”

“I love you. So much.”

“I love you, too, Jame…”

Jamie’s hand shakily caresses Tyler's cheek before dropping back to the pillow.

Tyler leans down to kiss Jamie fiercely.

He pulls back and slides onto the bed to Jamie's side, still octopus’d around Jamie, who has both arms loosely draped around Tyler.

“Merry Christmas, sugar…” Jamie mumbles against Tyler’s temple.

“Merry Christmas, love,” Tyler smiles, snuggling deeper against Jamie.

They wake to Jamie's phone shrieking at them and he sleepily groans and gropes around for it.

Tyler smiles and grabs it, handing it to Jamie.

He looks at it with one eye and swipes the screen, answering with a groggy “yeah?”

Tyler watches as he murmurs a few more things and hangs up.

He runs his hand down Tyler's back and says, “I gotta take care of something, be right back, baby.”

Tyler wants to ask but Jamie is already slipping out of bed slowly, pulling clothes on.

He watches Jamie dress quietly with a smile.

As Jamie reaches the bedroom door, he says, “meet me by the tree in 10 minutes, okay?”

Tyler nods at him and watches him go.

After getting dressed and cleaning up a bit, he slowly pads out of the room, down the hallway and to the tree room, hearing his sisters and Jenny cooing.

Marshall yips excitedly and Tyler smiles, wondering what's so awesome.

He steps in to see the girls, Jack, and Marshall all crowded around Jamie, who has his back to the door, but is holding something that has everyone's attention.

Candace turns and sees Tyler, tapping Jamie's shoulder.

Jamie turns his head to see Tyler and grins.

“Merry Christmas, Tyler,” he says gently, turning to face Tyler.

Snuggled in his arms is a wiggling black puppy, wearing a smaller version of Marshall’s elf costume.

Tyler makes the least manly noise he's ever made and scurries to pet the puppy.

“Oh my gosh! He's so cute! Look at his tiny little nose! I- Jamie?!” Tyler meets Jamie's eyes, which are crinkled with his huge dorky smile as he watches Tyler.

“I thought maybe Marshy would want a little brother,” Jamie says softly.

Tyler barely registers his mom and Jamie's parents enter the room as he stares at Jamie.

“What's his name?” Tyler basically whispers.

“The place Sharpy and I found him was calling him Midnight, but they said he's young enough to change it, if you want to.”

Tyler mouths, ‘Sharpy’, shaking his head and making a mental note to thank him.

He turns his attention back to the puppy cooing over him and Jamie hands him over, letting Tyler cradle him, getting licked and whimpered at.

Jackie and Heather come over to pet him too, Randy stepping close to Jamie, putting a hand on Jamie's back and saying, “That's a hell of a collar, son,” grinning at Jamie, then Tyler.

Tyler looks up to see Heather, Jenny, Jack, and his mom looking as confused as him while his sisters have tears welling up with huge smiles.

Jamie looks unusually red, chewing on his lip.

Tyler looks back down, catching the puppy’s collar in his fingers.

It's just a small green collar, but Tyler turns it to see the tag and there's a bit of mistletoe.

As Tyler is about to laugh, he notices looped around the mistletoe is a hook with two gold bands on it.

His jaw drops so fast it hurts.

“Jamie?”

Jamie's fingers slip under his chin, tipping his head up to meet his eyes, suddenly standing so close to Tyler.

Tyler feels how much he's shaking.

“Oh my god!” Jackie squeaks, clapping her hands over her mouth.

“Tyler… I… I love you and I… if you want it too, I want to spend every Christmas with you from now on,” he chews his lips and slips the rings off of the collar. “Will you marry me?”

Tyler nods immediately, and Randy takes the puppy from his arms so Tyler can wrap his arms tight around Jamie, kissing any part of his face and neck he can get at.

Jamie clings tight to him, laughing and saying, “oh, thank god.”

Tyler pulls back, saying, “Oh my god, you thought I'd say no?!”

Jamie ducks his head a little, starting to stammer.

Tyler takes Jamie's face in both hands, meeting his eyes and then pressing a kiss to his lips.

Jamie moves back to take Tyler’s hand and slide his ring on and starts to put his own on before Tyler snatches it and slides it on Jamie's finger himself.

They stand there, holding each other's hands and smiling dopey smiles at their rings for a moment before looking into each other's eyes and Tyler almost can't handle how Jamie looks at him.

He feels tears welling up in his eyes and he wraps Jamie back in his arms, kissing him.

Tyler is only vaguely aware of pictures being taken and his and Jamie's mothers crying.

Jamie suddenly jumps and pulls back to look at Heather.

“You little shit, why didn't you tell me?!”

Jackie gives Jamie a gentle smack too, saying, “No shit! How could you not tell us you were going to do this?!”

Jamie smiles and stammers for a moment before saying, “It was supposed to be a surprise!”

“Why did he know?!” Heather says, pointing at Randy.

“I wanted his advice… And Candace and Cassidy helped me figure out some details I needed to know.”

“We have a group pinterest board,” Candace says.

“For wedding stuff and proposal ideas,” Cassidy adds.

Jenny smacks Jamie from the other side and says, “Why wasn't I in on that?!”

Tyler chuckles through his tears and snuggles his face into Jamie's neck.

Jamie asking his sisters was a smart move, actually.

“It's not just a present and surprise for Tyler, ladies,” Randy says. “He wanted to surprise everyone.”

“Who else knew?” Jackie demands.

“Um, Sharpy. And I got in touch with Blacker and Brownie about it, too… So they knew,” Jamie says, partially to Tyler.

He lifts his head to look at Jamie for that.

“Really? Brownie is terrible at keeping secrets from me, how did that happen?”

Jamie smiles and says, “I told him if he spilled I wouldn't do it,” he laughs and adds, “I mean, I still would have. But he doesn't know me well enough yet to catch my bluffs.”

Tyler laughs and lifts his hand to look over Jamie's shoulder at his ring.

Jamie presses a kiss to his forehead and murmurs, “Merry Christmas, fiancée.”

Tyler buries his face deep into Jamie's neck and mumbles, “Merry Christmas, fiancée…”

Later, when they're sitting together on the loveseat, watching their family exchange presents, the puppy asleep on Tyler’s lap as Marshall is cuddled up with his body stretched across Jamie's lap to keep his snout against the puppy’s side, Tyler softly says, “I think I'll name him Cash.”

Jamie snuffles in Tyler’s hair, mumbling, “Oh?”

Tyler nods and says, “Like Johnny Cash? Man in black?”

Jamie chuckles and says, “Okay, then. Whatever you want, baby.”

“I want a early summer wedding.”

Jamie smiles and says, “I know.”

“In the gazebo. And I want only white and purple flowers.”

“I know.”

“I want us both in black with purple accents and the wedding party in purple with black accents.”

“I know.”

“And I want my my sisters, Blacker, Brownie, and Pat as my bridesmaids,” Tyler giggles.

Jamie smirks and says, “What if I want to be the bride?”

Tyler sighs a theatrical sigh, saying, “I guess.”

“No, you can be the bride, I don't wanna wear a veil.”

“You don't want to throw the bouquet?”

Jamie laughs and says, “I'd rather remove and throw your garter at the reception.”

Tyler loses his straight face and crumples into Jamie, laughing hard enough to disturb Cash.

“Sorry, buddy,” he says, scratching one black ear.

“Who gets the honor of giving you away to me as my bride, then? Your mom?” Jamie jokes.

Tyler shakes his head and says, “None of that. We walk down the aisle both times together.”

“I know, Cass told me you wanted that.”

“That part's really important to me.”

Jamie nuzzles Tyler and says, “I really like that.”

They're quiet for a moment before Tyler quietly asks, “Who will be your groomsmen… women… people?”

“Mm, Jenny will demand it… Sharpy for sure. Spezz and Fidds. Morrow… Pevs… Oh, crap… I'll have to work it down to five somehow.”

“Fuck that, you can have up to 8 before it's gratuitous.”

“Oh? It won't look weird if it's unbalanced?”

Tyler shrugs.

Jamie smiles and wraps his arms tighter around Tyler.

Tyler is quiet for a while before asking, “Would it be weird if you had a photo of your brother as one of your groomsmen?”

Jamie bites his lip then says, “I don't know, would it?”

Tyler moves to meet Jamie's eyes eyes and says, “It'd be weird if he wasn't there. And if he can't see his little brother get married…” he trails off with a shrug.

Jamie looks at Marshall and chews his lip.

“He'll be there in everyone's heart, but I don't think anyone would think it's weird if we had a physical representation of him,” Tyler says.

Jamie looks at him out of the corner of his eye and finally says, “That’s… I really appreciate that. A lot. But I don't know. He probably wouldn't want that. I know he's always with me. And my sister and parents. That'd be enough for him, I think.”

“Okay, that's up to you, Jame. You have him with us however you want to and I'll support it. I want him there anyway we can have him.”

Jamie bites back the tears threatening to come and nods, wrapping Tyler in his arms and pressing his face into Tyler’s shoulder.

“Thank you, Ty…”

Tyler strokes Jamie's hair, kissing his temple.

Jamie sighs and settles close, letting Tyler move his hands.

His eyes land on the fake fireplace, watching for a while.

“It's weird,” he finally says and he feels Tyler turn so his lips are pressing against his temple. “I never thought a fire would bring a person I love, who makes me so happy, into my life.”

Tyler smiles and says, “It is weird. I never thought I'd be glad my home caught on fire.”

Jamie chuckles and laces his fingers with Tyler's.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

  
**End.**

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr as paperandwords.
> 
> This is my first time posting on here.
> 
> Most of this was written in four days (though I'm not quite done yet) on my phone on the bus or L while commuting around Chicago so bear with me.


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